Breakfast 45 -- John Duvall and Greg Anderson

          "Was that the Yank?"  "Aye" "Oh bugger it,  I wanted to say bye" 
One of my favorite lines from a nice little movie Local Hero.

          I have a habit of saying goodbye to my Nerinx students in this way:  "You know that I am proud of you, you do, don't you?"  If you have read a little bit of this blog, you may have read some of the stories of these students.  They are wonderful young women, and I am so damn proud of every one of  them.  But I also want them to know just that,  I intentionally want those words of pride to be the last words of our visit. I was leaving breakfast today and I was with John;  Greg had walked a couple of steps away.  I should have told them how proud of them I am.  I have several rules for myself in these breakfasts,  and I will have to make sure I add that one.   John and Greg,  I hope you know how proud I am of the men that you have become.

          John is an English teacher in the Parkway district and has been a teacher for some time now.  I have several distinct memories of John, (if I get the details wrong, who cares it is a good story).  Priory had a freshmen football game versus the evil empire -- MICDS.  Usually the evil empire would win those games.  John played different positions but he was also a backup running back who did not carry the ball that much,  if at all.  It was a close game and I think we were down 10 points late.  As we drove down the field,  all of our starting running backs got hurt.  John was summoned from the sideline by either Marty Combs or Jimmy Wortham.  John got the ball and dove over the top for the touchdown.  Five minutes later,  he did the same thing and we rallied back to win the game.  This  also just happened to be the day of the Priory Grade School Math Contest.  We needed a lot of help putting up chairs and cleaning up.  Tasks that went so much easier with a whole bunch of freshmen around.   I think every member of that freshmen football team was there helping out.  They really did not want this day to end and they wanted to be there for each other.

        The lesson that I try to teach, and I am not always successful in,  is that hard work in practice leads to winning,  or that hard work in math class makes you a better football player,  or that spending a week on a service trip will make you a better student.  All of these things in life go hand in hand.  Hard work for others, even just putting away chairs after a math contest,  lead you to be a better, kinder person.  Hard work is the first act of selflessness.  Kinship with another person, the forgotten person is the last act of selflessness..

         So that football game was November of 1994? I think.  I never forget John Duvall and that wonderful morning.  A couple of years later I needed student volunteers to staff the Aim High program.   I knew I wanted John Duvall.  Sometime next week,  maybe breakfast # 55 or so, I am having breakfast with Debbie Christanell, HKIA.  I know she will remember John.  I know that John remembers Debbie.  There were  two of our best volunteers, they did their best for each and every kid that took that long bus ride out to Priory every morning.

          I have not seen John Duvall in a couple of years,  and I have never seen him teach,  but there is no doubt after this morning's breakfast that he is a great teacher.  I saw his kindness and his compassion years ago,  I watched him talk and listen to a kid that grew up on Page Avenue in the city.  John just listened and laughed and was that friend that the kid needed.  That day,  I heard the "sound of the genuine" from John Duvall's soul,  years later  I hear that same kindness.  I listened to this young teacher tell me exactly how I am going to change my classroom this year.  I liked that he changed his classroom in  a way I like to do it -- on the cheap with my own money.

        I knew Greg since the 7th grade also.  He has kind of a hockey player mentality in his DNA and I kind of remember just shoving him in the halls and he would immediately shove me back.  I had to stop this in about the 9th grade,  not because I grew up or acted like a real teacher,  it was because he is a strong kid and he was just too strong.  I was smart there.

         I believe it was Senior year AP stats when I was telling the class, all boys,  about being at another Cardinal playoff game or driving to a NCAA tournament game out of state.  That lifestyle of hanging with your buddies, and spending all of your money on sports tickets must have seemed great.  Greg just looked at me and said, "I want to hang out with you."  I instantly replied, "You're a kid, I only hang out with 21 year olds."  The next day Greg came in and said to me, "Mr. Magee 937 days until we are buddies and hanging out."  And he kept that count up for some time.  It was really a nice surprise,  a few years later when I actually got a call on John Duvall's ?? 21st birthday and we shared a beer at OB Clarks.

         I am the minority in St. Louis, not really a fan of Ozzie Smith.  Somehow Greg found out about this and I tried to change his allegiance to Bob Gibson.  Of course, when he was a little kid,  Gibson had scowled at him when he wanted an autograph, so it was a tough sell. At his graduation party,  I brought Greg an "autographed" baseball from "Bob Gibson"  that also on the other side of the ball had the words,  "I am much better than Ozzie." I look back fondly on that memory of messing with a student.  Now Greg is a lawyer and was talking about some of his cases,  very naturally,  he mentioned that he sometimes takes a case without money.  Of course he does!   Greg was always kind of a goof and a kid that liked to rough house,  he would play sports with one speed and often looked like he would hurt himself as much as the opponent.  But he was also a great teammate and I remember him getting just as excited for the accomplishments of  his teammates as he did for himself  and of course as loud as anyone on the bench.

         Late into our breakfast, Kate Sellenriek (Breakfast 28), made an appearance. I think it is another sign of how blessed I am.  Kate and Greg have brought me joy.   Just watching them makes me smile.  How they burst onto any scene and into my life.  If you can't tell. . .  I kind of like the loud kids.

         We went to the Soulard Garden Cafe because this place had history for John and Greg.  John did not even need a menu, he knew what he wanted.  There friendship was a joy to see.  They often mentioned a name or just a couple of words and they knew exactly where they were in the conversation.  It just makes me happy knowing that these two guys will have each others' backs for the rest of their lives.

         All three of us agreed that we were on the right side of common sense in our world and politics.  I think it is slightly easier to believe that when we are thinking of others or thinking about those without.  John spoke very clearly and passionately about the students in his life who did not have the comforts and the love he had growing up.  We talked about the challenges of these students and how, just maybe, we could help them. I am really focusing on hitting next year's students with as much energy and compassion as I can find,  and mostly to be there for each student, listening to them.  Listening to John,  makes that task easier for me next year.  His passion inspired me.

         Here at this table in Soulard, I think we had that kinship for each other that Father Boyle talks about.  I know that John and Greg will bring that kinship to their students and their clients and just live their lives as one of the best things they can be,  good neighbors and good friends.  Greg told me on how he is now on the board of LARCH, and we cycled back to that when I recruited them for our 5K in October.

           Years ago,  I was blessed to watch 2 young men grow up from 7th graders to Sixth Form adults. I had dreams and expectations for both of them.  Now a generation later, they both have exceeded my expectations. 

             Damn right, I am proud of them.  and I will tell them the next time I see them.

       

Breakfast 44 -- Melanie Allsup

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           "yeah, everywhere I am turning, nothing seems complete, I stand up and I am searching for the better part of me."

           I have been quite reflective this month with the breakfasts and that other thing.  When we are down and out and someone says, "Every time a door closes, a window opens.",  you kind of want to punch that person.  Because we cannot see the future,  we remain trapped in our misery.  Today I told Melanie the story of my greatest heartbreak, Nerinx Hall,  and she smiled and said something about God opening other paths.  I did not punch her,  because she was right,  if I had not gone through that shit storm,  I never would have had Mike Kiefer as a friend,  I would not know Fifi,  and I would not being eating breakfast with Melanie.

            Dave Difani was right when he moved above the bar or lived in the basement the myths get tangled here.  It is nice to have that place, where you see familiar faces and they greet you with a smile and you almost hear them scream, "Norm!"  You know you are home.  I feel that way every time I walk into the Blackthorn.  I am home.  I am with good people.  I am with friends.  Mike Kiefer and I are having breakfast this week, so you can read about him later,  but he and I had such a great partnership on Sunday night and the two of us,  welcomed both old friends and new friends into our home,  the Blackthorn.  Three years ago,  I started teaching again and it was tough getting down there on a Sunday night and waking up at 5:30 a.m. the next day.  I did come back and I saw that I was replaced by Melanie. She was lucky,  she got to work with Mike.  She told me that she was scared of the ugly, bald guy at first (Mel would never use those adjectives),  but we agreed that Mike Kiefer is a jewel of a human being.

             The first couple of times I saw Mel, as I was introduced, the conversations were real short as she works hard and she was always moving fast to make sure all of her customers got great service.  But eventually after several visits, there was a lull and I got to see and hear who Melanie was.  She is kindness wrapped up and when she smiles at anyone you melt a little bit as her genuineness grasps you.  She really does truly care about each and every person she serves.  And not the cynical caring or the fake friendship that people sometimes do when we work for tips.  Melanie is the real deal.  I know this because I saw a notorious shitty tipper come in to pick up a pizza and Melanie greeted him warmly and welcomed him in.

            I am striving now in these breakfasts -- to give each soul its worth,  to be ready to listen, to be ready to love the person standing in front of me.  That is why I am dismayed a lot by the current state of affairs, we have forgotten that all souls have their worth, their dignity no matter where they are born.  Melanie somehow figured this out long ago,  I cannot remember one conversation we have had,  and often she was busy working behind the bar,  where she did not give me her attention, her eyes, and her ears.  I know what some of these men sitting at her bar must feel like.  With just a few words and  a smile she can lift you out of your current malaise and maybe just for a couple of hours drinking an IPA or a Jameson,  feel your worth again.

            It is no accident that Melanie is a theater kid.  I love Theater Kids.  From Claire to Maria to Amanda to Julia too many to name.  The Marjory Stoneman Douglas kids leading are nation were theater kids.  The Theatre !!

                                 "I was born to join in love, not hate -- that is my nature."

            Today,  44 breakfasts in,  I had such a pleasant time talking,  laughing, and listening to my friend Melanie.  I say this after every breakfast,  but who knew this happiness was so cheap.  Today it was the Carondelet Diner,  a little place tucked between Broadway and the river.  Today's breakfast was the cheapest of the 44 and as I told Melanie afterwards,  "Thank you."  I received so much more today than the cost of the breakfast.   Melanie told me she wished she had the superpower to touch someone and heal them.  I bet if you would ask some of the people sitting at the bar at the Blackthorn or at Friendly's , we would agree she has that power.  She has the S on her chest that Alicia sings about. She speaks the "sound of the genuine" that Marian Wright Edelman tells us about in her book.

 

           "I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker."   Helen Keller


            Over the last week and year,  I have often heard the line, "Thank you for your service." It is always to soldiers.  What about the teachers, the social workers, the surgical nurses (THANKS)  and What about the bartenders.....    If you are down in the dumps,  look for my friend Melanie and she will give you the tiny push of an honest worker.

Breakfast 43 -- Paul Martin

       I have a Google Pixel phone/camera that has been taking really good pictures.  Leave it to Google that they somehow have figured out how to catch the soul of each person I have breakfast with.  It is crazy when I look at these pictures how great they have captured the magic in the person that I get to see my whole life.  This is Paul,  look to the right, that little hint of mischief in his smile is the same friend that continues to bring me joy in my life.  It is kind of funny that our friend group all started in pairs.  Hellwig and Krumrey, Martin and Stephens, Abels and Agne, Sciuto and me,  Doug and JP (Doug had last pick LOL)  and so on.   Lives get busy and people move and would still think these guys are the greatest,  but the time we spend with each other changes.  I am very happy I got the funny guy, Paul in all of these changes (btw  Paul is not funny).

        I often hear great things that encourages me to change my words and think differently.  After Tony's dad died,  I went to Weber's with Tony, his son Nick,  his nephew Steve and his girlfriend.  I had taught Steve's half brother John Friskel and said, "Hey, I taught you half-brot....."  I got to about there and Steve stopped me,  "In our family, he is just my brother."  I will remember those words for a long time.  We live in a world, where we have a lot of  non-traditional families,  but I think we ware starting "a new tradition" of just loving every one.  Paul and Nanci, his wife have done a great job of raising three daughters as just a family,  where the concern and care are always full of love.  The girls all have their own personalities and it seems like each daughter comes with 2 dogs,  but in their home and watching their interactions it is just people loving each other.  Nanci is excitable and loud and lets you know how welcome you are in her home right away.  Paul is the natural yang to that yin and together they do a wonderful job.  I probably feel more comfortable in their house than even my own.  It is probably my favorite place to hang.  Sometimes I am a nice guest,  but often I am causing trouble,  just like the black dog that does not let the other dog rest....that is me.  Paul accepts me whoever I am that day.  He has been there too long and our friendship is not spoken about too much.  But Paul is definitely in the first handful of people that I share my joy with or over the last group of years my frustrations. 

       Today, we started planning our annual Guy trip,  and we realized that this trip might be a lot smaller with just Frank (Lunch 10),  Paul, and myself.  I love it when we have the large group as I always want 100 of my friends with me at all times,  but there would be a certain charm and enjoyment with just the 3 Amigos as we would probably laugh the entire time (btw Frank is not funny either). 

       It has been an interesting week, and Paul has been right here.  Making sure I went out the other night just to take my mind off of the upcoming obstacles.  The funny thing is that I know Paul will always be there,  next week, next year or 5 years down the road.  There is a lot more to say about a friendship that has lasted this long,  but a lot of our friendship is in the pauses and the silence.  He knows me as well as anyone I know.   and I know that if anyone ever says anything bad about me, he will punch them right in the face.   maybe??

Breakfast 42 -- Hayley Kuehner

        A lot of people say wonderful, kind things about my work in Biloxi.  It is a passion, but when I go down there I often where a blue shirt, or an orange shirt, or the OG black shirt that says.

                     DO JUSTICE
                           LOVE KINDNESS
                                        WALK HUMBLY.
     It is easy to walk humbly because my job down there is not to do good things,  it is really my job to put young people and old people in the right place where they can do great things.  These volunteers work harder than any group I have been a part of -- their hard work is contagious.  They do do justice every day by standing with those that others have forgot or others disregard on purpose. And I think we are the smilingest, goofiest,  nicest group that goes to Back Bay Mission and kindness to others is just a natural by product of that joy.  And it is funny,  because just placing young women in these positions brings out the very best.  First it was Sam and Megan (Breakfast 26),  then it was Hayley or Shelby or Mary Grace,  lately well just read about half of these posts and you will find the most wonderful people in the world.

         There is a little one who always keeps going,  always with her own ideas.  I have tried to slow her down or stop her in the past but she usually as a good South St. Louisan rolls through those stop signs.  I once was working to describe the legacy of the Share Kindness trips,  and I was going to call the trips to Biloxi,  home games,  and the trips to other places,  away games.  When I was finalizing these thoughts,  I realized that a lot of the away games were just following Hayley to wherever she wanted to go.  She is right now trying to figure out how to go where children are separated from their parents to teach them,  but more importantly to hug them and make sure they know they are loved.   Hayley is quite good at all of this.  Once, she grabbed about 8 Chi Omegas from Mizzou and called her dad and me,  and the next thing we knew we were putting complete new flooring for people that Hayley had met walking down the street.  An hour before she called had Dad and was frustrated that the volunteer center in Moore, OK wanted the young women to walk around and give lemonade to people that were doing the work.  Boy, I would have loved to see the steam coming out of her ears at that suggestion.  Sure enough,  she found people to help right away,  and of course we had a wet saw and were cutting tile a couple of hours later.  All because Hayley decided to stride forward with a determination and a confidence that is far bigger than her size.

           Here is the other side benefit of spending a week at Back Bay Mission each year,  somehow in the deal I got adopted by the best family.  I have my friend John Kuehner (Breakfast 4) who has done so much for me personally and has always been there as a friend or the man who just all of a sudden puts a new AC system in your house.  What??  But the whole family is great,  Shelby and Hayley are always ready to help others.  Surprise, surprise.  Hayley is a teacher and Shelby is a nurse.  Hayley is a Special Ed teacher who is helping those that need just a little extra help.  She is a great teacher,  funny I have only seen her teach just briefly in Gulu, Uganda,  but I know she is a good teacher.  This year down in Biloxi she singlehandedly raised money,  got a shopping list,  and entirely filled a car with food and girls to restock the food pantry at Back Bay.  The car was so full that I did not even notice Gretchen Graf (a legitimate 6 footer) was in the car until most of the food was unloaded.  I was about to stay and help them finish their task when I realized that Hayley was in charge and I was simply in the way.  I hopped in my car and as I hit Division street tears rolled down my eyes.
Father Boyle says,  "he sees in the homies what they do not see in themselves.... until they do."  I have spend a decade telling talented, kind young women that they were going to exceed their own expectations and maybe even mine.   Now as I turned onto Highway I-110 from Division street,  I realized how DAMN proud I was of Hayley.  How blessed I was that she was in my life.

            The big omission on this breakfast lists are 4 young men from Gulu  Ronald, Amos, Geoffrey, and Julius.  They are my guys and I am so blessed that they are in my life now,  and hopefully will be for a long time.  Hayley is one of the few people on the planet who can understand these feelings.  Julius got her a job teaching in Uganda,  Amos was always there with a smile,  Ronald after just a few meters (Hayley will laugh here) of driving through the brush opened up his home and shared his family with us.  Geoffrey is one of the most resilient young men I have met in my life,  he has had more obstacles and hardship placed in front of him,  but he keeps moving forward.  Hayley got to see Geoffrey's quiet strength that comes out in just a few,  "Yahs"  I want to share Gulu with all of you, but Hayley is the one who figured out a way to make it happen,  Mom and Dad helped, and was once again where she should have been helping people.

           I really do not think I will submit a job application again,  as North Tech is my home.  But if there ever was a time I needed a job,  I would submit  Hayley as my Letter of Recommendation.  I know I am just a very small part of who she is,  but I am allowed to say the most wonderful words. 

           "I was her teacher"

Breakfast 41 -- Mike Blessing ??

       So I guess everyone that is reading this knows that I had surgery on Tuesday to remove a small tumor from my bladder.  I had Hayley Kuehner lined up for the day after surgery.  Hayley will always do anything to help anyone,  and I have been the recipient of her help more than once so I knew that would work. 

         But I left my house at 5 something for surgery.  I drove to my sister's house and we went together.  But how to keep the streak going??  I had an idea but I was not sure it would work,  but thank to the wonderful kindness of a guy named Mike.  It could not have worked better.

       I drove to the new Courtesy Diner at Heege and Laclede Station and walked in.  I saw a man eating his breakfast at the counter. I walked up with a smile on my face and said that I would very much like to buy him breakfast.  He stood up, shook my hand, and introduced himself as Mike Blessing ?? .  It was just wonderful,  I left money on the counter next to him and then went on to have my surgery.  My nurse friend, Cathy Barry,  tells me that pre-surgery attitude has a large effect on successful surgeries.

       So thanks to Mike who gave me his kindness and his blessing,  I was well on my way with a hop in my step and a smile on my face.  If anyone knows Mike,  I would like to thank him for his kindness.

Breakfast 40 -- Matt Barry

       Burdges and Barrys back to back.  Again it is my premise that large families make community.  If you think about growing up in Christ the King Parish in U. City for a couple of decades in that school there was a Barry and someone knew that Barry and all of a sudden there was an opening for a conversation and community.  Today,  we have smaller families and it is quite possible for a family of two to go to the same school and never meet another family of two kids who are in different grades.  But the family of  9 kids connect us all.  Even today in St. Louis, every knows a Barry.

      I knew Mike from my little sister years ago when they were still in high school.  Mike and I kept seeing each other at Cardinals' playoff games in the 1980s,  so one time at a bar after seeing Mike again I suggested we all drive to Kansas City together for the World Series games.  I have been friends with Mike ever since,  Matt told me that he has known me since I snuck him into bars underage.  I have vague recollections of my possible complicity in this criminal behavior.  I am sure once inside Matt conducted himself as a gentlemen he is today.   I now have real and different friendships with Mark and Matt and of course,  Mike.   Each of them is a bit different and I can see the different gifts and talents they each have.  Also many years ago,  I tried to pitch woo at their sister Bridget but apparently bad jokes and annoying her completely on the way to Churchill Downs were not a way into her heart.  Bridget first taught me how to own the dance floor and to dance like no one was watching.  I am sure if Bridget was in town, we would have a closer friendship.  The rest of the clan always greets me with warmth and a hearty handshake. 

       Here is the thing about the Barry family,  I am sure they have their differences and drive each other a little bit crazy,  but I have never ever seen anything but love and loyalty from each of them to each other.  Bridget and Nora and I traveled to visit Matt in Greenwich Village years ago and have 4 or 5 great stories from that trip that we can recall and laugh together.  I do not think it is an accident that their parents are both kind and very humble people.  For years,  Mrs. Barry sat behind me at basketball games and when things got awful.  She would cheer in a very grandmotherly way,  "C'mon Billikens."   For years when I watched the Bills at home on my own TV and they had back to back turnovers,  I could hear Mrs. Barry in my head.   Cheering the way someone who loves you would cheer for you.  I have told players when I was a JV coach,  that there is no pressure at JV games because everybody in the stands loves someone on the team.

      Poor Matt,  he has waited 3 days for my words about what a great guy he is and I am blabbing on.   Matt is the calm in the storm.  There have been several times where I have listened to him after some difficulties and he was just perfectly calm discussing rational next steps for us to take.  He was that even as a young man we visited in New York,  when he was the voice of reason as Bridget and I were a little more apt to stir up trouble in the Big Apple.  I have known Matt before I was a teacher,  but as a friend he is so supportive of what I am trying to do and the causes that I try to help.  When he asks me how school is going,  I know he actually wants to hear and listen to me.  And I know if I have a problem he will stop and reflect and help me towards a solution.  He might wince as a reaction to a problem, but he is always there and ready.

     A few years ago,  I was dropping off baseball tickets at his house.  Mark and Matt and Ed Poth and the Kinsellas and Kevin Lee and his brother-in-law Bob have been partners for many, many years now.  So anyway I was dropping off tickets and looked out in the backyard(s) -- it was actually the two yards together and I saw kids playing a myriad of activities.  I was so heartened to see kids just making up their own games and just having "kid heaven" .  It was amazing to watch,  and I know this happened because Matt and his wife Megan,  put a lot of love and thought into their parenting.  Just when I thought I could not be more thrilled watching this scene of chaos, with balls and soccer nets and pool noodles all around,  my student, Janie Freeman walked out of the neighbors back door.  Of course,  Janie was part of this.  Playing with Steve Gianino and my brother and Tony Sciuto and Steve Young when we were kids---still nothing better.

       I would love to in my life have created as something as wonderful as that backyard I saw that day.  But instead I am quite proud to know my friend Matt created it with help from Megan and of course the always smiling reluctantly Janie Freeman.  So now I have to invent a time machine that will take me back to that day and also make me 8 at the same time,  because kids today have cooler toys then we did.   I still feel cheated the Big Wheel came out,  about 2 years too late... and I was too big for it.

       As I think about the world I have seen up close and on TV,  I wish every kid could spend just an hour in Matt Barry's back yard.   Maybe I will take a nap now and just fall into that dream.

Breakfast 39 -- Sarah Williams

         Today on the hottest day of the year the red head was cold.  Click this link.  Then reopen this page.  With a degree in mechanical engineering I finally figured it out.  Sarah puts so much fire into the world.   According to rules of heat transfer ...  she has to be cold, it's just simple thermodynamics.

          God did not give her the red hair by accident,  it was a warning label.  She is passionate about her friends,  she is passionate about her family,  and she takes that fire into everything she does.

"  looks like a girl, but she's a flame. So bright she can burn your eyes."

           In the beginning we needed girls for the Black Thorn league.  Holly and Mary Kay got Mo and Burdge to play.  For awhile,  they were Mo and Burdge and kind of came as a package, arriving together at the game.  Burdge (Sarah) really wanted to succeed in softball,  but did not really understand how to use a glove.  In the beginning,  she would often catch balls to her, by smothering them into her chest, the glove often was just in the way.  Each year she got better and better and I remember one time someone on the other team was being as ass and Sarah looked at me and said, "We are winning this one, Johnny!!"  I had no doubt we would come from behind to win it.  The Redhead said so. In the third or fourth year, Sarah was hitting doubles past and over the heads of the right fielders.  She had worked hard to figure it out and she got it done.  Mary Kay Gorman never talked about Sarah without saying (in the middle of the story) My Friend Sarah Burdge.  Sarah has always been in my phone as MFSB.  Mo got married and moved on,  but Sarah has been my friend ever since. She has been a loyal friend when times were tough for me.  I hope I was in return,  but I know Phil looking down on us expects better. I will keep trying.  Sarah and I still have a short hand we can get to quickly when busy lives keep us apart too long.  We are also both passionate about those without or those that need our help.  And we have little patience for those that are gluttonous or run through life with a contempt for the poor.

"Hottest of the hottest girls"

        I often wonder what I will say to Phil when I meet him again.  I know what he will say to me.  "Red's hot!,  man, she still looks great."  And then he will laugh, a laugh so big you can feel it in your shoes.  I have never had a friend before or after who would talk about how hot his woman was or how great she looked.  We would just be out having a beer or be at a Cardinals game and he would sidle over to me with a big grin and tell me how good looking Sarah was that night.  He loved her red hair,  he loved her passion, and he loved her fire.  When the other groomsman were trying to get him drunk and buy him shots on his wedding day.  I said no.  I knew Sarah and that was not going to happen  (not really that loyal of a friend, just scared of Red). 

        Sarah and I talked a lot today.  About things we do not talk about that much.   I miss Phil a lot and time does not change that much.  I have just a wisp of a vague hint of  how Sarah must feel.  I know this -- my friendship with Phil was so short and so intense in a short period of time that it almost feels like a gift from God.  All those years ago,  Phil might have never come over to us in the Blackthorn and start hanging out.  Sitting backwards on a chair,  laughing at our quarters game.  But this was Phil,  he had to be there.

        I met the Burdge family in the best of times,  "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys and m*********ing girls."  That wedding reception was the party of all time.  We tore up that dance floor.   (See breakfast 27).  After killing it on the dance floor,  we held each other and sang Pirate songs.

       Way too soon, I saw the Burdge family in the worst of times.  I still feel real close to them, because we went through that sadness together,  holding on to each other and loving each other.  Fast forward to Sarah's house and I realized  I did not know all the  names of this amazing family.  When they are around each other,  they never use first names,  it is all nicknames and inside jokes.
  Big Hint:  Weezy is not a large black woman.   The world is better with big families like the Burdges and the Barrys where the stuffed kids into every room and alcove and somehow that crowding brought out the love also.

       I would like to say that Sarah and I know only happy times now,  but she blew that all to hell when she invited me out to watch election returns in 2016.  Wow,  we thought it might be bad then,  who knew it would get so much worse.  Sarah continues to amaze me,  she took up bike riding just recently and of course rode across Iowa last year.  (Quick question:  Why not go North to South,  aren't there any geometry teachers who ride bikes).

       When you hear "the sound of the genuine" coming from another human being,  grab them and hold them tight.  Sarah is the real deal and I am so lucky she is in my life.  Today,  we parted by her standing next to me letting me know that it was all going to work out.  I believe her.

       Every time she calls those 4 letters pop up on my phone and I get to say it out loud.  I smile every time I say it, because it is true and it is real.  Because she is true and she is real.

           my friend Sarah Burdge.