Breakfast # 2 (2021) Courtney Naunheim

 “You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love” **

    There has never been a time where I did not see something special in Courtney.  Do you remember the scene in Bambi, where Bambi tries to skate.  When I first met Courtney, I think that is how she saw herself.  A lot of teenage girls see themselves that way.  Courtney led with her awkwardness, she would cringe and laugh at the words she had just said aloud in class.  She would want to take them back, she thought she was wrong, her answers and her words were stupid—she did not then see her own courage.  She did not then trust her own voice.  Her courage and her voice are amazing, but I am getting ahead of myself.

“Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out”  **

    I have always liked the song Brave by Sara Bareilles.  I have had too many coincidences in my life to not understand them as God’s Grace.  So after a wonderful breakfast with Courtney, later that night I heard the song again and realize it was Courtney’s song. She did not let the “shadow win” , she found her feet and strode forward with an elan in her step.

      Nerinx always encouraged young women to find their own voice, to become empowered and take on their own world.  The problem was when you had a Courtney or a Mimi Hatches or an Alaina Appelbaum or a Katie Hanson many adults at Nerinx did not know what to do with these voices.  Become empowered, but maybe tone it back a little they would say.  If Nerinx was smart, Courtney Naunheim should be on all the pamphlets and all the literature,  she was the empowered child—she found her own voice.  Maybe only a teacher or a parent could know this joy… and probably just a teacher,  I am hoping a parent keeps seeing their kid,  but I as a teacher get to see my students 10 or 20 years later, when they exceed my expectations and are conquering the world and smiling with their brothers and sisters. I knew the awkward freshmen I saw at Nerinx would be something special. I just did not know how special.

     Courtney told me at breakfast how they shuttled her to several different counselors when she would get “in trouble” at Nerinx. I just stopped writing to laugh as I wish I could have seen Courtney with all of her teenage madness in a room with one of these adults.  It makes me laugh now and would have especially made me laugh then,  Courtney had her own spirit and her own drive, a good sheep dog would have bit her on the ankle and led her back,  not try to crush who she was.

“ Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down

By the enemy

Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
But don't run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is”

          Courtney will tell you and she did tell me that she had some battles she had not yet won and there were some obstacles she had not yet figured out how to get by.  She was a teenager, a troublemaker, and she needed help—real help.  Maybe if they had not kicked me out, I might have seen it.  But this post, is about Courtney and her strength.  Courtney saw it.  She saw what she had to do.  As her friends made plans for College and Mizzou,  Courtney listened to a Navy recruiter and enlisted.  Nerinx girls did not join the Navy, they went to College.  The Nerinx counselor was furious,  this was going to make their numbers look bad, how could she do this.  Maybe they did not listen to the Nerinx mantra,  “Be empowered women, find your own voice, take your own agency.”  Courtney did exactly what they told all 630 students to do and they hated her for it.

            Sorry Courtney, you may not get this reference, but she was Hayley Mills in The Trouble with Angels, she was just missing the nun who saw her soul, and heard her voice.  Maybe to continue with this theme, the Voice of an Angel.  So now Courtney, you have got to watch the Classic “The Trouble with Angels.”I am a teacher —I give out homework.

          Father Boyle says, “We see in the homies what they do not see in themselves…

Until they do.”  

I left those last three words linger by themselves on their own line.  I would have loved to see the day that Courtney(Bambi) found her footing on the ice, it probably was not the first day in the Navy, but good people in the Navy encouraged Courtney to find her own voice, recognize her obstacles and triumphed.  Courtney laughed when describing this to me,  the Navy and a doctor or two recognized that Courtney would have to devote all of her efforts and her energy to win the day.  It was not going to be a part-time job.  It was time for her to roll up her sleeves and do the work.

    I am so grateful that she did.  I got to have breakfast this week with Courtney, a student of mine who found her voice and learned how to walk on that ice.  

    The Navy paid for her college? But she EARNED that degree as she went to class with kids after she had sailed the seas and had seen the world.  She had a different vision than her classmates and definitely a more dedicated purpose.  She is now an interior designer for a great Architectural firm.  Ironically, she is now designing educational spaces for high school students,  Courts maybe you should design a closet in each classroom where a student could find her voice OR …  better yet a stage in each classroom where students could shout their truth.

    It is now early morning and I hope that my words told this story correctly.  I had not seen Courtney in 10 years, but tonight we ended up at the same Karaoke bar.  She got to meet my good friends, a couple of Nerinx  alum who definitely have their own voice.  Her good friend and Courtney left because they were not going to get to sing their own song, but this is my story so I get to tell the end of the story.

The strong DJ grabs the mic from the last singer and says “Courtney, can we have Courtney to the stage”.  The music begins and Courtney starts,

“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave.”**

**brave, by sara bareilles