Breakfast 38 -- Mimi Hatches

       Mimi Hatches is an incredible young woman,  who looked at me with her courage today and inspired me to be a better version of myself.

"There's something in our world that makes men lose their heads—they couldn't be fair if they tried. In our courts, when it's a white man's word against a black man's, the white man always wins. They're ugly, but those are the facts of life. […]"

"The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box." 

       At St. Dominic Savio in the sixth grade,  I was staying after school to work on my Bellarmine speech with other students.  Mary Allen, who lived just down the street,  the daughter of Bob and Phyllis Allen (two of the all time best people I know), was practicing her speech.  It was Atticus Finch' address to the jury.  I was still three years away from Mr. Winkler's class and his subtle call to my humanity,  so maybe this was the first time I really heard about those who work for justice and fail.  We have to remember in the end,  Atticus was not successful and he failed Tom Robinson.  

      So many years later,  and we,  more specifically I am failing Tom Robinson today.  What did I do for Philando Castile or for Stephon Clark.  I sat in my room, read an article, and told myself I was one of the good guys.  Sitting across from me today was Mimi, a softball pitcher I once coached who threw too many balls and walked too many batters.  The 15 year old I met with pitching imperfections was here to inspire me today and also if I was true to myself question my own inactions and my own privilege.  

       I talked to Mimi about Trevor Noah's book  Born a Crime  (click to buy it) and how Trevor's child was tough growing up the son of a White Man and a Black Father.  Most people I know, good people, would read this book and say it is terrible what happened to Trevor.  Today,  on several occasions,  tears welled up in Mimi's eyes as things I were saying were too close to her own truth.  I think she knows of the limitations of the good people in our country,  and this is not the first time my own limitations have failed one of my students.  On more than one of these breakfasts, my fellow diner has told me good things about myself.  But I know I could have done more and should have done more.

        As Pope Francis says, "I am a sinner" hearing him say that helps me find my own humility and strive to do better.  But sitting with Mimi for an hour and a half and now using these words to reflect on her strength and her message I heard from her today makes me want to work harder for all of my students, especially next year at North Tech.

       Look over at the picture of Mimi,  she is the portrait of a women who is working hard to "live her truth".  She has been out on the streets,  marching with others,  and has responded to the injustices of 2017 and 2018 by striving to make the world a better place.  She IS "seeking that boundless compassion".  Some would call her a dupe of George Soros,  because dismissing her is so much easier to us than listening to her.  But after talking to Mimi today,  I do not believe she has ever taken an action in support or protest where she has not gone home that night to reflect, to think, to relisten to the words she heard,  and put all of that together and work harder to do better the next time.  

       We all want to be loved, we all want to be included,  we all want someone to reach back to us and include us in the circle.  I cannot imagine what it must feel like to have been included in the circle for a decade and then just that quickly to be excluded from the circle.  To really be made to feel like you never should have been in the circle in the first place.  I cannot imagine that hurt,  the hurt I know Mimi feels today,  and I cannot make that hurt go away.  Mimi, I am sorry.

        Mimi has a black father and a white mother.  She knows that.  Sometimes I feel when we whisper around that truth as well meaning people we fail.  I am often humbled when I examine my own actions or inactions for my students.  I try  I strive  ( Mimi, whatever I say next is not going to enough so instead I will use these words.)

“I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting."

(Barack Obama, Nov. 7, 2012)”

         Today Mimi has her own life  and fights to "live her own truth".  She does it with a smile and a swagger.  She does it with a large tattoo that makes old white men like me uncomfortable.  I hope something better awaits Mimi,  not that is not great now.  I know she has the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, and to keep fighting.  

          Miss Jean Louise stand up, Mimi is passing.

        

Breakfast 37 -- Greg Nilles and Tom Kutz

          We belong to each other.     Mother Teresa

          What I try to tell young people is that if you come together with a mission, and its grounded with love and a sense of community, you can make the impossible possible.             John Lewis


            So Greg Nilles and Tom Kutz get together for breakfast. That is enough for me to tune out the explosions of politics and gun violence in our world.  I feel good that in a small way their breakfast does not happen without Gary Mindel, Brian Thiemann, and I.  Just two good guys getting together for breakfast.  That is where it starts, that is where community develops.  

              Their breakfast is where two good guys who are good fathers and husbands get together and just talk about sports or kids or old sports stories,  but through it all they are reinforcing each other's kindness,  each other's selflessness, and each other's compassion.   Of course, they would come together for breakfast.  Two commissioners getting together think Rob Manfred and Roger Goodell getting together for bacon and eggs only Greg and Tom are much better guys.  Tom keeps me entertained the entire college basketball season as I have now been in his college basketball pool for more than 25 years.  I do not know how many years that Greg has kept me entertained through his NFL pools or his Oscar pools or recently his World Cup pool.   

                The picture is also perfect with Greg sporting the Rams shirt and Tom wearing the MIZZOU shirt,  I could not have a better picture if I would have picked out the wardrobe myself.  

                Tom and Greg also have this in common,  they have always cared about me and are happy to see me.  They greet me warmly every single time we meet.  They want to know what is really going on and often ask good questions to see where I am.  They are also much better at me and live their lives without tearing another person down.  I don't think I have ever heard Tom saying anything bad about another person and the closest Greg has come is to just shake his head and smile  if I bring up someone he does not like or think that much of.   

                Greg did not grow up in St. Louis,  but is a St. Louisan now.  Tom grew up here and there is something between men of my generation who have grown up with the common denominator of sports and watching sports.  I am concerned a bit by the current generation with so much stimuli and a wide variety of excitement.  Tom, Greg, and I grew up on 6 channels (maybe 5 for Tom) and one AM radio station blaring out the ball game on a Sunday afternoon.  It is through that commonality and those experiences that we can reach out to those like us and also seek to bring others into our circles through sport.  Think about how many times people of different backgrounds have been united through sport.  Think of how the whole world is watching the World Cup now.  

                I do not know if Uganda has ever had a World Cup team,  but that entire country shuts down and gathers at restaurants or sometimes just a small place in a village to watch the World Cup.  I watched the World Cup at Pope Paul VI in Anaka.  With 4 students behind me leaning on me the entire game to get closer to the TV.  At one time I leaned forward quickly and felt about 8 boys fall forward with me.  

              So if you are depressed about the state of our country or concerned about the direction of our world.  Find a friend or in Tom and Greg's case a friend of a friend and start your own breakfast tradition.  This is what community looks like.

              We live in a world where Tom Kutz and Greg Nilles make an effort to get together regularly for breakfast.  That small act of brotherhood is enough for me.  I sign off today like I do after most breakfasts realizing I am blessed and the world is blessed with good people.

Breakfast 36 -- Kurt Thiemann

   So Kurt is the first person you can search on google by his breakfast number and his name.  Breakfasts 1-35 better get going with their page views.  Do not be afraid to spend an evening clicking on your own link to enhance page views.  It actually turns out that Kurt wore the number 36 when playing Volleyball at Princeton University.  There are a lot of good Kurt stories about his intellect,  my two favorite are  he asked his mom what U N available meant on a Target ad.  He could read the word available,  but was not understanding the UN prefix.  This was before they knew he could read.  The second one is that he once posted on Facebook that he could help you with your homework even if he had never taken the course.

        When asked he might say something like,  "Why wouldn't I offer to help them?  If I can"  he goes right away to the pragmatic in his thoughts and in his conversations.  It was an interesting breakfast in that I had spent a couple of hours on an X Ray table and it was almost 10:30 before I picked up Kurt.  Luckily, he was available and the streak is still alive.  Kurt is a wonderful person to talk to as he has a couple of stories or issues of the day already queued up in his head,  and he will launch into them whenever there is a conversational lull.  He also draws you into his own knowledge which is a wonderful characteristic for a teacher.  We could have a conversation about Japanese Anime or Graphic Novels and it would feel like a real conversation between 2 people.  On these topics, Kurt will have supplied 98.4 % of the relative content and I will be just along for the ride.

        For some reason in 2018,  we ignore scientists, ignore critical thinking and reasoned debate and just shout louder.  Into this broken world, where the educated man is sometimes scorned and the dullard who is just "keeping it real"  or "telling you exactly what is on his mind"  is lifted on the shoulders of idiots and praised,  Kurt Thiemann strides into his first professional high school teaching role.  I think in his easy going way,  he might be able to change that mindset at least to a small subset of young men in Connecticut.    Today I watched Rod Rosenstein,  a good man, a smart man,  and a Trump appointee,  defend himself from the wild attacks of a congressman.  I wonder what percentage of people watching this saw what I saw?

        Into the halls of a Jesuit school in Connecticut steps Kurt who stood up at a Science award evening and told the crowd he was probably going to teach English.  Kurt is also the same boy who giggled for 10 minutes when we were watching his sister in the state volleyball after I told him that farting would be legal in the bed we were sharing.  He also loves the spit take and can analyze comedy with the best minds in the country. 

         We are a better place when our English teachers know Organic Chemistry, and our Math Teachers understand Faulkner,  we are a better place when the tight end misses the half time talk to play the trombone in the marching band and the girl who has one of the leads in Aida understands Social Justice and how to stand with the invisible.

          Last year, I made plans to go to Colorado to see Kurt in his classroom.  Somehow,  I missed all 4 years of him playing volleyball at Princeton.  Shame on me.

          For the last 10 years I have teased Kurt about growing taller than me.  I would shake his hand hard with an old man hand shake and pull him close to show him I was still taller.  He is now 6'7" and out of college  This year something great will happen.  Kurt will show his students his passion for Shakespeare or maybe unlock their curiosity by sharing  a poem he has read since he was 8.  I will not be there to see this day, and it will pass without trumpets or confetti,  but Kurt Thiemann will be taller than me on that day.

Breakfast 35 -- Becka and Scott Hauser

           What brings us together?  How do we become friends, good friend with some people and not others?  What good friends could I have made that I did not?

           My mom asked me today who I went to breakfast with.  I told her Scott and Becca and also their son Holden.  Scott and Becka have never been over to my parents' house and have never had an occasion to meet my parents.  Darn,  another reason I should have got married.  So I explained to my mom that I had worked with Scott at Priory and Becka was his wife.  I then went on to say that Scott was the older brother of Jessie who I went to breakfast with a while back.  She nodded,  I think she cared, but she is also the one person that reads these words every day,  so maybe she just thought I will find out more tonight.

            I have been told by some of my younger female friends that Scott is really good looking.  I don't see it  (just cracked myself up).  I remember when Scott and I were starting to be friends that we made a vow to see every single one of Michael Vick's game on TV.  We were somewhere in Brentwood,  trying to remember, and we were watching Vick play his first game of the year on a Thursday.  In the middle of the 3rd quarter,  I think the game was called due to excessive lightening.  We did not see that game or any other Vick games that year,  I think it kind of killed our momentum.

             Part of this breakfast thing is just to be deliberate and intentional in getting together with good people and good friends.  Scott and Becka since I knew them have always been a team and they relish each other's unique talents while understanding they are sometimes quite different personalities.  Their love triumphs and they are definitely a team always working together and playing off each other.  Kind of like Frank and Teresa Corley.  The Corleys often finish each other's thoughts mid-sentence.  Scott and Becka are different, they relish in the duo--lity of their existence.  Not sure that is a word,  and their might be a simpler one, but they are a duo.  And love each other for who their partner is, while often laughing about the differences.

              Back in the day after a Cardinal playoff game, Scott and Becka and Mary Jo and I took on other fans after the game.  It was my one and only couple's fight and we were united against our common foe.  I remember some guy pushing Mary Jo and she looked at me with a "Hey big guy, you going to let this happen?"  smile that was intoxicating.  Soon there was a wrestle royale on the old walkway of the stadium to the south parking lot.  I remember Scott ripping bodies off of Becka like some kind of gladiator or super hero.  Later with all of that adrenalin,  we were recapping what happened at Paddy O's (of course) and it turns out the 2 girls might have stirred it all up.  As Becka famously quote there, "You can take the girl out of Arnold, but you cannot take the Arnold out of the girl."  The Cards lost and it was lousy game,  but I remember how triumphant we all felt afterwards.  Too bad,  Mary Jo was not to be.  Her smile would probably still inspire me.

            Scott and Becka and I have so many memories that just make the 3 of us laugh.  Some we still remember and others are lost forever.  I wish technology would have been around so someone could have taped my "fake sonnet" at their rehearsal dinner.  Scott once wrote a Sonnet for Becka.  A Sonnet--- that is why I would put their love for each other in the hall of fame.  Watching Scott trying to walk his son, Holden, through my complicated multi-part Dad joke,  it demonstrated to me that besides being a good husband,  he is probably also a great father.

           Then soon after,  Becka looked at Holden and said,  "What you have ever done with a normal mom?"  Jane Magee always tells me I need to have a sense of whimsy,  and is always ready to join in at the height of my strangeness:  duct tape suit,  bandanas with nicknames,  or various halloween costumes.  I will take that kind of mom any day.

          Holden you are a lucky kid.

Breakfast 34 -- Allie Riordan

         After I got Nerinx to add AP Stats to their curriculum,  I use to sometimes campaign hard to get students to take the course.  I am old and forgetful,  but I do remember I really wanted Allie to take the course.  I really want to teach everyone, but sometimes I would run into a student in the halls or watch them play soccer or be a part of STUCO or just be funny,  and I would really want to teach them.  At every school where I did not know who I would teach getting those class rosters was like Christmas Eve.   If you look to the right you see the words, "je ne sais quoi" under Allie's picture they mean,  "I don't know what?"  After breakfast this morning,  I have the same feeling  there is just something about this kid  young woman  that makes me smile.  Allie is about to switch jobs after 4 years as a professional,  so she is definitely a young woman.  I told her today  who would not want to work with you.   Allie sat next to the door in either the 1st or 2nd seat,  I think the first.  It is funny how you remember where your students sat.  Allie did not disappoint me in our classroom,  she worked hard and definitely showed me that she was ready for college with her academic maturity in an Advanced Placement course.  I think back on some of my high school peers and when I compare them to today's students we lose.  I know so many of my students who went to college or college and graduate school and worked their butts off.  I am so proud of them.

         Allie's nickname in Biloxi was Skinny McWilly and we talked about some of the things she did when she was down there.  I have to say thinking about it and seeing her picture (btw I am a big fan of the accidental the Dude photobomb)  she is a real professional who looks like and talks like she can accomplish anything.  I know she will charge into it with a big smile and that "je ne sais quoi" that she has.  I told her today that I do not ever remember saying anything mean or unkind in her life.  I taught her as a Senior and Seniors sometimes live life sleep deprived,  but Allie was always ready for the challenge and liked numbers and problem solving enough that she would want to work towards a solution. 

          There have been times over the last couple of weeks where I have reflected on people and events in my life.  This breakfast thing is one of my all-time best ideas.  Think of each day,  I get to just sit and listen to another human being and the people I am eating with are some of the greatest human beings on this planet and I am the best person on the planet in not using hyperbole (twist on a Tracy Agne's daughter joke).  It really is so much fun,  there have been about 40 people in these 34 breakfasts and I cannot wait for tomorrow.  My schedule might get a little funky coming up,  but know that if you want to go to breakfast with me-- I am buying.

          I hope it does not take 5 years again for me to sit and have a meal with Allie,  but if it does she might be the President of a company somewhere. 

          I have given a book to many of my students, and then could not find it for a couple of years as it is out of print.  I had 7 copies this year for the high school seniors on Biloxi.  So here is my message today for Allie,  but really it is for all of you.  It seems appropriate today.


          Allie,  "Always remember that you are never alone. There is nothing you can ever say or do that can take away my or God's love. ... Home remains as you go out to serve and conquer the world. And I always follow you wherever you go in spirit, in prayer, and in love. You are never alone."    MW Edelmann

Breakfast 33 -- Tracy Agne Murphy

               We all want to be loved, and at least half of us on this planet want girls to like us.  As high school age and college,  some of us wanted to look so good that girls would swoon over us.  I don't think that was ever an option for some of us,  so we wanted to make a pretty girl laugh.  So that is how I spent an entire summer back in the day.  Tony Sciuto,  Jack Abels, and I would start out almost every weekend night in the porch addition to the Agne household trying to get Tracy to laugh.  I know I am funny,  Tony is funny,  and Jack as you learned after his breakfast is Michael Cera so we got Tracy to laugh quite a bit.  Of course, Tracy is also quite susceptible to laughter so it was a pretty easy task.  Occasionally Paul Martin would be with us,  but he is NOT funny so I am not even sure why I included him in this story.   Michael Agne was also there some nights and if you cannot get him to laugh you have never been funny.

               One night,  I walked into the kitchen and there were messages left by the phone for different members of the family.  So I wrote on the pad,  Gary call Bill Board,  Tracy call Ann Chovy,  Russell (Mr. Agne) call Jim Nasium.  We were all sitting there when Russell came in exasperated and looked at his wife and said,  "Mona, who is this Jim Nusum guy and what does he want?"  We all started laughing so hard we were crying,  I know Tracy had tears running down her cheek.  After the laughter died down,  Mona said, " Russ, it says Jim Nasium."  He responded,  "So what the hell does he want?"   All of us laughed for another few minutes uncontrollably.  Russell sometimes did not understand our "little kid" sense of humor.  Gary then when the laughter paused,  thought for a moment and said,  "You can think up any name like that,  like  Pork Roast."  By now,  we had all lost it,  I remember Tracy looking at me and with her eyes saying make it stop I might literally die tonight from laughing.  It took 3 weeks when we were retelling the story that Gary understood for the first time he had said Pork Roast when he meant to say Chuck Roast.

              You all should really find a way to take old friends out to breakfast.  Tracy and I easily swapped stories for 2 hours and it could have been three easily.  I think we sat at the table for close to an hour after the check was paid,  and then we both told 2 more stories while we were standing next to our cars in the parking lot.  Tracy has made a great life of being sweet and cute and kind to everyone in her path.  We figured out during breakfast that we both worked for Special School District and could have been emailing each other,  if we had just known.  Tracy has been a speech pathologist for 30 years and I cannot even imagine how many students she helped.  Sometimes,  I cannot even imagine being a young person with a lisp or a stutter.  They must feel so isolated or lost definitely on the margins.  And who was there to greet them.  Tracy Agne with a smile so big,  and I know they share a laugh in the first 15 minutes because Tracy has to laugh about every 15 minutes.  I don't know how she ever watched Schindler's List?   I developing a real fondness for the Special Ed teacher,  maybe a little bit by knowing Hayley Kuehner,  but also by being in schools where Special Ed teachers shine.  I just smiled a bit thinking that somewhere in St. Louis there is a boy trying to tell a joke to win Hayley's heart or at least her laugh.  Some of my favorite parts of teaching are when I get to spend one on one time with one student and make a plan, learn the material,  and when it works they realized it is the two of you against the world,  and then just as beautiful it is this one student against the world as they have won the day and they fly boldly from the nest.  I wonder looking back on her career how many students Tracy has helped.  I wonder how many Hayley will help?

             This morning,  I started my day by going to Mass with my mother at Seven Holy Founders.  Seeing my mom at Seven Holy Founders was kind of like seeing Willie Mays in a Mets uniform.  But my mom is something special and she reacted to her husband falling yesterday and a couple of hours in Urgent Care last night by focusing on her prayer life.  She got up said a rosary and we went to Mass.  At 7:57 a small, extremely fit old man sat a pew in front of us.  I had not seen Russell Agne in about 5 years as summers in Uganda has taken me away from graduation parties where I have might have seen some of these people.  But there he was an hour before my breakfast with his daughter. 

              Grace keeps popping into my life in mysterious ways  I hope I am smart enough to pause and realize Gods presence in my life.

               Today during Mass I prayed for my Dad with his 6 staples in his head, and my mom his constant companion,  I prayed for my sister Mary and Tom and Katie and the uncertainty of the future for my parents.  I listened intently to the Gospel and a new Priest's words.  I forgot to thank him,  because many years ago, the cutest girl in the whole WIDE world laughed at a young man's jokes and smiled at me and made me feel special.

Breakfast 32 -- Kelly Mindel

           When people I know started having babies,  they would often get me to hold the baby.  It was funny to all,  because I was extremely awkward and nervous, and after 30 seconds of uncomfortableness for me and I am sure sheer terror for the baby,  the small one was taken by someone with better instincts.  I soon made a rule that I only deal with people over 2,  I thought it was good for me,  and great for babies everywhere.  On a family vacation to Hawaii,  Kelly made me break that rule, she was just a funny kid and I would try to stand her up in the middle of the room and she would do her best to stand and then kind of plop onto her butt and just laugh.  She was always happy.  Kelly has literally made all of us happy for her entire life,  she is funny and says funny things and sometimes her just saying "Cubbers" makes everyone happy.

            Everyone wants Kelly in their family  often times she is the extra Thiemann,  and she is also the extra Magee,  and the extra Bauer.  She has always been just a real enjoyable person to be around.  Kelly and her dad Gary joined us in Biloxi and they both did a great job down there.  The Gary Mindel -- Scott Barnes team is still one of my all time favorite pairings.  Kelly was a big goof in Biloxi,  but she also busted her butt and worked hard for the people that we had just met.  One time we were driving back and forth to a different job site and we were, of course, listening to the Monkey and Kelly shouted,  "Turn it up,  Uncle John,  this is Tay Tay Swiffy."  Soon we were listening to a song about slamming screen doors and  that was my introduction to Taylor Swift.

          I taught at Nerinx when Kelly was there and with different last names not many people knew I was her uncle.  Except for my basketball team,  who seemed like they were all best friends with Kelly.  I then was known as Unckie to Kelly and her friends.  Sometimes in a good way,  but often not when practices were too hard.  It was a complete joy to be a fly (okay a very large teacher) on the wall and got to see Kelly just be a great kid and a good friend.  Those friends are still a part of Kelly's life and they have had great times and celebrations and also weathered some tough times together.  I sometimes think that if we are just a good friend to one person,  we have lived a well lived life.  Kelly is friends to more than a handful of impressive young women  and they are better people today because of her friendship and the unique way she has of bringing smiles and laughter to their lives.

         I love all my nieces and nephews,  but Kelly and her sister Caitlin have been around the longest so they have just been in my heart a little longer.  Kelly is now living with Caitlin and Matt and Ollie and after breakfast I got to see the two sisters interact.  Of course,  Ollie was the center but when I write about these two sisters,  I tear up just a bit.  They are so wonderful to each other and love each other so much.  They have their own shorthand a sometimes they exchange hidden, unspoken words when the whole family is there.  They are so close that they often do not need words.  You can scroll back to see what I think of their mother,  my sister Mary.  But there is nothing I will ever accomplish in my life as great as how well Mary and Gary raised Kelly and Caitlin.

         I often go back to Kelly's eighth grade graduation when she finished first in her class.  We are always laughing at Kelly and enjoy her banter that it was at this graduation I realized she is also a pretty smart kid and just like she proved to me in Biloxi,  she is not afraid of working hard or sweating a little to get the job done.

         Now Kelly is finding success after success in her professional life,  she is a team manager and I am sure all those little business lessons that her dad would always sneak into their conversations have paid off.    I do not really know what she does,  but she is the same confident 14 year old that strode to the front at that graduation to accept her commendations. 

         My sister and her husband long ago made the decision that Kelly would have two godfathers,  my brother Tom and myself.  I am so honored and happy that I have this honor in this wonderful kid's life.  (I know she is not a kid any more).

         Years ago at Rock Forest,  I was dealing with a couple of problems all at once.  I was too caught up in myself and not paying attention why I tried to back my parent's Sable down the driveway.  As I made the turn,  my impatience scraped the side of the car against the brick of the house.  I was so pissed and so angry at the same time.  I just started walking.  I might have walked to 'Chicago,  I was that upset and so down on myself for my own stupidity.   I was about two houses up the street.  All of a sudden running down the driveway was a child.

        "It's okay, Uncle John"  she screamed,  "I still love you, I will always love you."  She ran to me and hugged me around the waist, as far as she can reach.    I hope you know Kelly, that I will always love you.  I am so damn proud.

Breakfast 31 -- Erin Hoffmann

              I think if I would have brought a difficult quadratic problem to breakfast this morning,  Erin might have laughed a bit,  but then she would have probably set off to solving it.  She is a marvelous student who I taught in Junior Pre Calculus Honors.  They were 24 seats in that room and every one of them was filled with smart, funny, witty problem solvers.  One of these days, I am going to track down what every one of them is doing.  Because I am sure it will amaze me.  My favorite classes were when we go off on a tangent suggested by some student and just fly completely off the rails.  They would sometimes look at me in wonder when at the end of the class,  I would tell them we still do not have a solution,  but hasn't this ride been wonderful.  I think it might have been the first time in their lives they did not end up with the correct answer.  And there were quite a few that really wanted closure,  but I know enjoyed the ride.

            Erin or Gunner (her Biloxi nickname) was front seat in the second row almost dead middle.  She and I both remembered today at breakfast where she sat.  The seat was important to her now and was important to her then.  Now Erin is a full fledged professional architect and would pay $100 to just watch her work from the sidelines.  She is just always working, learning, and trying to decipher the challenge in front of her.  And she is relentless,  I don't know when I first coined this metaphor,  but I have had several students like Erin who treat a problem or a challenge like a hungry pit bull with a steak bone.  She will not let it go until she had decided she had gotten every piece of meat off of the bone.  She might even crack it with her teeth to see what is inside.

            I knew who Erin was from her first day of high school, because she was the younger sister of Claire,  probably one of the most enjoyable human beings I have ever coached.  Sisters at least at Nerinx often have widely different characters.  I love them both,  but they are different women with different talents.  For a couple of years,  Erin made the Biloxi magnets even on the years she was not on the trip.  I would (in the last few days) show up her house with a bunch of color markers and magnets and she would have a wonderful drawing or wonderful letters on each magnet.  These treasured magnets live on in rooms all over St. Louis.  I think I had this request of her at the last minute several times,  and it was always the same.  I would be greeted with a big smile from her mom and welcomed into the house.  I would take a couple of minutes to show Erin what I had and she would start working on them. 

           I saw my nephew Kurt yesterday at a great movie and I am mostly proud SLUH alumnus,  bit I maintain that Erin and her classmates and many more Colleen Hannegan at Ursuline or Annie Timmerman at Incarnate are just amazing students and I would take any of these girls over the best of the boys' school.  Here is the big difference I think,  Erin never took a math class off the entire year.  She came ready to work for 95 minutes every day and worked for 95 minutes.  Kansas' architecture program draws some of the best in the country and I know she competed and excelled in those classes.    But the difference??  Kindness, Compassion and the ability to reach out to the "other"  these girls have it.  Erin has it and so do so many I have taught. 

           Today in our country,  we need kindness and empathy and to treat each human being with dignity and love.  If we are debating immigration policy,  we have already lost because we have left that kindness that compassion behind.  All over this country we have great people they can be architects or nurses or social workers or teachers and they pursue knowledge in their field and outside of their field each and every day.  Look to your right and you will see a lifelong learner and then look to that smile.  Erin greets the entire world with that smile and her kindness every day.

            "Non sibi, sed suis"

Breakfast 30 -- Kevin Ryan

            I have known Kevin since he was a seventh grader at Priory  or at least an 8th grader.  I just did the math and maybe it was as a 7th grader.  Middle school boys are middle school boys and we require them to figure out the whole world really quick and act a certain way,  when so much change is going on in their lives.  I am hoping with the hindsight of a couple of decades, that maybe now we listen to what they are telling us a little bit more.

           Kevin was and I imagine still a strong man (we did not arm wrestle at breakfast, but I am guessing).  When I first think of Kevin is practicing football with myself and Coach Combs.  I was learning football as I coached and I remembered when I ever I held a pad for Kevin,  that he was going to hit me with everything he had.  Coach Combs was teaching us both and told us that to be a good defensive end you had to push against their strength. I always remember this lesson from JV football.  The other team wants you to take the easy route and if you want to succeed you have to take the painful path and push against where they do not want you to go.  Strength against strength.

          It has been years since I have seen Kevin or talked to him at length.  Think about what I am doing,  I am having 90 minute,  2 hour conversations with other people and get to hear their thoughts and stories about their lives.  It costs me about $12 or $14 dollars oh and of course a good tip.  I am really serious when I reply to people I am eating with after they thank me for breakfast -- No Thank YOU!!  Think about for a really reasonable amount of money I get to hear the dreams and stories of people from my present, my past and I get to be just a little part of their lives.

         Kevin was and I assume is still,  a little bit, a man of strength and passion. So he did not take the easy path.  He pushed against where they did not want them to go as all good defensive ends do.  But I think because he took that path of odd jobs and different jobs he is now a stronger man for his wife and his three kids.  He is an IT man now and seems quite happy with his job.  I love the fact that he loves his job because he gets to solve problems.  Some where along the way I was his math teacher.  I am not going to say I was his coach, because I think we were both learning then.  But he LOVES to solve problems.  (A math teacher's dream)  Now as he continues his current work in IT and his continued work as a father and a husband,  he still has memories of his own path and the lessons he learned along the way.

         Kevin and I talked a little bit about why I am doing the 50 breakfasts.  I told him the story about Mike Radziewicz,  the story of a friend I lost touch with because Mike was too busy being a good husband and a good father.  Some 25 or 26 years ago I met a young boy named Kevin. 

         Father Boyle in discussing his work with gang members in Los Angeles says,  "We see in the homies what they do not see in themselves . . . until they do."  I hope the man I met today sees in himself what I saw in him so many years ago.
 

Breakfast 29 -- Bridget Bailey and Molly Calcaterra

          This is a little late,  but I am glad it is late,  because I found better words.  Tonight I went to see Hearts Out Loud with Nick Offerman at Plaza Frontenac.  I went because my little sister invited me to go with her son and her husband.  Katie told me it would sell out, so I rushed out of my nap to get there on time.  All 4 of us are tall, so there was no relief for the old man behind me.  Before the movie started he reached out tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I could get lower so he could see.  Without turning around,  I told him probably not because there was no place to go.  He then loudly whispered to his wife, "Oh no, I hope I did not make him feel bad."  As the movie began I tried to get lower in my seat, but immediately had back pain.  Later as the movie got good,  I leaned forward and watched resting my chin on my knees.

        Heart Out Loud with great acting by the two leads,  Nick Offerman and Kiersey Clemons.  The movie is directed by Brett Haley and written by him and Marc Basch.  I loved this movie and I wondered what I would have thought about it when Molly or Bridget were high school seniors.  It is a love story and a story about dreams sidetracked.  It is a love story between father and daughter and a love story between two 18 year old girls.  It is a marvelous story and I enjoyed the entire movie,  it is a movie about music and the writer wrote this movie like a song,  where you could marvel at the drums while the singer was singing the hooks or just listen to the lead guitar for a while. As age contemporaries of mine, I loved the friendship between Nick Offerman and Ted Danson both living different lives than they imagined as youngsters. 

       I want everyone I am having breakfast to know this simple truth.  I love you.  And I am going to continue to love you no matter who you love. 

       New paragraph, I wanted that last one to stand alone.  Reread it now if you like.  I was a part of Molly's wedding,  I was honored to be a part of it.  It was my first lesbian wedding.  Molly was such a joy to coach,  she kind of took my coaching and went past it.  I remember watching Molly in a varsity game her Junior year.  I was still the JV coach, so I was just watching this game.  Molly was at that time about the third sub to enter the game.  In other words, the coach thought she was the 8th best player on the team.  She entered the game and immediately began freelancing.  She would sprint long for a pass and be wide open.  The other players did not immediately recognize her great read of the game and did not get her the ball.  She did not stop,  she was always making great game decisions to help her team.  At that moment she understood the game better than anyone on the floor.  It was brash and cheeky and not what the "8th best player" was supposed to do.  But to quote a line from the movie,  "You have to be brave, before you can be good."

        That is as good of description of Molly as I can write,  "She is brave."  She is kind and funny and goofy and incredibly loyal.  But most of all she is brave.  Tom and Brigid I want you to see this movie,  because you always loved Molly and you always loved who she was and reveled in all that she brings to all of us.  I think Tom you will look at Nick Offerman looking at his daughter in this movie and just really understand his look more than I could.  Molly is now raising twin 3 year old boys and she relayed to me today, there might be an obstacle or two in her life.  But I know she will raise her boys the way she was raised.  She will raise these young men to be brave.

         Molly has an incredible heart and has on more than one occasion, given me a wonderful gift.  Her gift today was Bridget Bailey.   Molly and Bridget know each other from Nerinx basketball where Bridget was her teammate and her mentor.  Bridget beat on Molly during practice and made her a better player and a strong player,  she might have taught her to be _______.   Bridget and Molly are teammates and have a bond that can only be developed through sports.  I have good friends that I did not play sports with,  but bonds I developed on the fields or the courts have a different kind of strength.  Years later,  I hear the stories about how Bridget looked after all the younger players on the team,  she might have led them astray a little bit also.  But those stories are now a chuckle,  and glad I did not know as their coach.  Bridget was a National Champion in basketball in college and although Molly and Bridget both joked about it today.  It tells something about who she is and who she was.  They also have another common bond,  they both had parents that loved them.  I sometimes think of Bridget as the Chris Carpenter of Nerinx.  She was the one that had the toughness that inspired the others to live up to her toughness.  The farther the Cardinals get away from the legacy of Chris Carpenter they are not the same.  Same with Nerinx and Bridget.

          I will not have my own daughter in this life,  but when I reminisce with students and players that I have been blessed to teach and coach,  I feel some "fatherly" pride.  How could you not be proud of these two.  I know what Frank Fischer thought when he saw his daughter Sam sing in this movie.  Tears filled my eyes but did not run down to my knees.  I moved as close as I could to this movie to take in its heart and its love.

         As the credits rolled the old man behind me said, "Thank you for your efforts, you did real good."  Then he reached down and squeezed my shoulder as a father would.

Breakfast 28 -- Kate Sellenriek

       Years go by very quickly.  It is hard to realize that Kate has already been in the world for 3 years.  She is currently a travel nurse and has also worked at Mercy.  I thought there might have been a seismic shift,  you know maybe a simple Richter scale measuring 5.4 when Kate entered the world.  She is pure energy, pure laughter,  pure noise.  Certainly the world noticed?  Kate is one of those lucky kids who went through the randomness of high school by always being in my class or on my team.  I coached Kate in both JV basketball and JV softball.  She was and will always be Kate -- a true force of nature.  When I think of Kate I always laugh, smile, and kind of duck.  You never know what is coming. 

       One of the best Biloxi nicknames ever.  Blampf!!  kind of as a cartoon noise effect.  She charges into the scene like a super hero.  She has many special powers,  and most of them have to do with the creation of noise and mayhem.  Hayley Kuehner and I laugh at least 3 times on every Biloxi trip, just the way Kate would say the name of the neighboring town, D'Iberville.

       Back in the midst of my Nerinx days,  I was in charge of both the pep squad and the dance team (not a lie).  We rented a bus to go to Ursuline for the Volleyball games.  I did my best to amp up the spirit of freshmen and sophomores on the way there.  They were crazy,  and had a great time.  Upon returning to Nerinx,  they asked if they could rent a bus for the basketball game.  I told them that the basketball game was only 400 yards away,  and a bus was too expensive.  I told them I would build them a bus instead.

      So now I had to follow through, I went to Home Depot and bought a lot of furring strips, I think they are 1" x 3" .  I had sketched out a rough design on a sheet of quad paper,  and finally did not buy all the wood I needed as there was a lot and I thought it might get dropped on a toe.  But we set upon building a 8' x 8' x 32' bus complete with working stop sign.  It was just a wooden frame and then we were going to put paper around it.  I had a loyal group of young ones who were going to stay after school and help me finish the construction.  It was not sturdy, as I had forgotten diagonal supports which are needed for squares.  Just then school was let go because of an incoming ice storm.  The students showed up to help,  but I had to tell them all to go home, and I was trying to finish this bus by myself.  I was really feeling sorry for myself when I got the worst phone call of my life.  My best friend, Phil, had died.           

       I remember going to a restaurant fund raiser in Webster and sobbing.  I do not really remember finishing the bus.  Of course, Tim and Terri Gaffney showed up and probably finished the bust themselves.  But the bus was ready to go the next day. 

      We picked up this giant wooden constuction and marched award the Nerinx gymnasium to the tune of Double Dutch Bus.  We stopped at each class and more people "got on" the bus.  So now we had 50 people walking in the bus, while it was being held up by the people on the outside.

       Sorry long story,  but we are getting back to Kate.  After school,  we picked up the bus and started carrying it and walking towards the Webster U. gymnasium.  The weather had continued from the day before and none of us were prepared for the biting cold.  The students marched it out the back parking lot and on to Garden Avenue.  Kate and her sophomore basketball teammates were the leaders of this group and proudly carried the front of the bus while slowly walking up Garden through the biting cold. The first car that showed up behind "Our Bus"  did not pass us,  so by the time we got to Webster the bus was leading a parade of about 13 cars.  Kate was loud and singing songs and cheering cheers.  About halfway up Garden,  the bus started to break apart and Kate and her Alpha girl group was now carrying only the "front grill" of the bus.  And they kept getting ahead,  because it was a lot easier to walk with that piece, then the couple hundred pounds of bus behind them.   I wish I could find the picture of that front group.  They reminded me a little bit of Mayor Daley and the Chicago machine walking in the front of an Irish parade.

      I just paged up and realized how long this story is,  as the Ugandans would now say,  members I will now be very brief. (don't believe them).  Kate and her mom were part of one of the most fun groups we ever had go to Biloxi,  I think it was John Kuehner's first year and first casino incident.  Something about a man with a small hat.  Mrs. Sellenriek is a saint as she puts up with Kate's hijinks and also sometimes throws water on the grease fire,  making a true Blampf !! event. 

      We accomplished so much that trip with a giant group of people,  and I am still laughing today about Kate and D'Iberville.  Kate  gave me a week later a cover of a magazine where it showed Muppets doing construction.  She named each muppet character after someone.  She, of course, was animal on a chain,  Her mom was Miss Piggy, and Mr. Magee was Sweetums.  It sits in the opening between my kitchen and living room. 

       I wonder if anyone has made me laugh as much as Kate in my life.  Phil would be close and long time friends like Frank would definitely be there,  but every time I think of Kate I smile.  Kate told me this morning that she loves working with old people.  And I cannot think of a better place for her nursing talents and her Blampf! skills.  She is helping people who are sick and in pain, and must walk into their rooms with such energy and happiness.  If Kate would have been my mom's nurse,  my mom would have loved her.    I am so proud of Kate and so happy I am having these breakfasts to bring these wonderful people back into my life.

       BLAMPF !!

Breakfast 27 -- Jessie Hauser Wynn

         Hallo.....Haaalo... My name is Inigo Magee and I have come to not kill your father, but to tell you the story of someone who has and will always make me happy.  I worked with her brother Scott at Priory  and became good friends with both Scott and his wife Becca.  A great throw in in the deal has been Jessie.  Her smile lights up the room and when she laughs everybody is happy.  She is also the direct offspring of an Ozark Airlines pilot.  The most fun we ever had and it was like a continuation of the same game was at Cardinals games in the 2004-2006 era,  but Jessie and I are both die hard Princess Bride fans,  and we once took like 4 and half hours to watch the movie.  We took turns grabbing the remote and repeating our favorite scenes  like 10 times each.  I think I watched Mandy Patinkin say Hallo about a dozen times, each time we said that famous greeting with him.   Taking turns exaggerating our Hallos,  I don't think I have ever enjoyed watching a movie more.

         Jessie is now an English teacher at Pattonville with Breakfast # 5.  I am so happy they are working together.  Jessie and I spent a lot of time talking about students this morning and I know through our conversations over the years,  she is a great teacher.  It is impossible to fake the compassion and the caring that comes through in her stories and yes, her frustrations.  Today, Jessie told me something that I am going to use this year in my class room.  "High School is like a warmup for life,  if you cannot do high school and do it well.  Then you might have some trouble doing life."   We have both taught great kids that we cannot quite get to understand that hard work in high school prepares you to work hard in everything you do.  Students sometimes don't understand that you cannot really turn on and off a work ethic.  When they turn in their paper at the last minute and survive the previous all nighter,  they think that they can continue to do that.   But in life,  we have broken water heaters, and repairmen,  and family commitments that prevent you from that all nighter.  However,  if you work hard like Jessie says an develop that work ethic in high school then the rest of your life will still have those annoying obstacles, (I look out at my back yard, and my tree is falling down, someone has to do something about that!),  but you will get through it.   Jessie's mom is a lifelong teacher and she grew up knowing how hard you have to work as an English teacher.  Jessie has taken that heritage added her own special skills and talents and does her best for all of her students.

         All right, some of you were there,  the Cardinals win on a Friday night.  A bunch of us walk to Paddy O's,  the before renovation Paddy O's,  to have some Bud Lights.  Todd Thomas is the DJ and has his usual play list and his schtick that still makes me laugh.  Todd cues up Journey and I walk lost onto the dance floor,  on the other side of the bar,  Jessie hears Steve Perry and does the exact same thing.  We purposely avoid eye contact and do a couple of close passes like a Tom Hanks--Meg Ryan movie.  I actually hear a couple of times where someone said,  "I wonder if he is looking for that tall girl?"  Jessie and I had our on act and we literally met every Friday night on the dance floor at Paddy O's.  And after awhile it was always during "Don't Stop Believing"  Ed Poth was often there and so was Phil Williams, and Sarah and Michelle and Leanne and sometimes Holly (although she always lost her hacky sack there).   I think with the Cardinals winning, the best dance partner ever, and good friends,  I guess I would have to say those were the happiest times of my life.  It was so much fun.  And then after several songs including Lit and Guns n' Roses,  Todd would cue up Yeah! from Usher and Jessie and I would tear up that asphalt dance floor.  And I often still had my peanut on my ear from the ball game.  (Did you say something?  I did not hear you.) Jessie would smile and flirt and giggle and Yeah she is a definite 20!  We would have the best of time and I would look up and Phil Williams would just be laughing so hard with that big Phil smile.   I loved that smile from my best friend.

      Jessie and I have not seen each other in way too long, but we immediately turned to old stories and inside jokes,  while being there in our conversation for our current obstacles.  I am so proud of Jessie and who she is,  and now she has found her Wesley and has her own son.

     So I, her loyal Fezzik, gets lowered onto his horse by crane (watch the documentary) and I ride off knowing that Princess Buttercup is happy.

     "No more rhymes and I mean it"  Anybody want a peanut.

Breakfast 26 -- Sam and Megan Manuel

             I think it was in 1986,  there was an announcement in the St. Dominic Savio (rip dominic) bulletin that the parish needed basketball coaches.  That small blurb changed my life.  Katie, my sister, and I volunteered to coach.  We signed up to do it separately,  but soon were given the 3rd and 4th grade girls.  Some of these youngsters never left our lives.   Katie got a lifelong friend in Maureen,  and I got Mary Kate and Holly in my life (Katie got first pick, that is for you HTG).  Those kids and the teams over the next couple of years were the reason I switched from an engineer to a teacher.

             Fast forward, a decade or so and Katie's husband Brian asked me to help coach my nieces' basketball team.  On that team were my twin nieces and another set of twins,  Sam and Megan.   So I got to have Mary Kate and Holly in my life since 4th grade and Sam and Megan have really been in my life since their 7th grade year.

            There was a quiet kid on this year's Biloxi trip and I was not sure she was enjoying herself or getting the most of the wonderful Back Bay experience.  I probably just missed it though, as on her last day,  this young high school student was literally sprinting to the chop saw and then running the cut piece of flooring back into the house.  The smile and excitement on her face was pure happiness.  The joy of giving, the joy of service, the joy of working hard when our trips work best all of that falls into place.

            Sam and Megan, were the first of the lifers,  and I had that feeling almost right away their first year.  Sam and Megan were the same age as almost everyone in the trailer,  but they were soon cooking all the meals, brownie treats at night, and even a chicken wing dip for the girls after they finished a hard day's work.  No one told them to do all this extra work,  they just did it.  Marian Wright Edelman talks about the life lesson   Assign Yourself .  Sam and Megan have been seeing a need,  and completing the task on their own since that first trip.  Leaving on that first trip Sam looked at me and said,  "It was nice having my own house for a week."  She was lamenting the next 51 weeks.

         Sam and Megan started a movement of incredible young women that really and truly believe that the one week they spent building houses and giving dignity to those on the margins is their raison d'etre.  There were 14 young women a couple of them on just their second trip,  but the majority were on their 4th or their 7th,  or for Sam and Megan their 11th straight trip to the Gulf Coast.  They have started their own cult of remarkable people who really do walk in the footsteps of Christ during this week.  You have to join us some time to really feel and understand what this week means to us.

       In the early days of the trip, we had some students and parents that would go on back to back years,  and we still have good people who do that.  But Sam and Megan started this tradition of just coming back every year.  They are now professionals and have to take vacation and juggle work commitments to be there,  but they have been there and will be there every year.  This is the lifetime of service we talk to 16 year olds and their parents in January.  On the Share Kindness trip, we do not want students to just check the box for service, we want them to stand with those on the margins, meet new friends, and recognize that this is what community looks like.

       Each year,  I am older, heavier and less in tune with students.  Who knew Facebook was over? But Sam and Megan continue to show these high school students what empowerment means,  what leadership means, what compassion means.   There has not been a challenge I have given them or more likely they have taken on their own that they have not succeeded in.  I remember meeting them at a Breadco and telling them,  we were bringing 130 people to Biloxi and they were going to be responsible for feeding them all.  They told me they could do it,  were smart enough to meet with a restauranteur and caterer from their parish,  and made a plan and did it.  In fact they did it too well,  after the meal was complete they would often go back to the kitchen for special orders like a grilled cheese sandwich at 8 pm.  Or baked treats at 9:30.  They were near the point of collapse when I finally had to tell the group NO MORE SPECIAL ORDERS.  Sam and Megan would have continued to have been to be of service to the group if I had not stopped them.

        It confuses people when we say the twins, because they really do not look alike and although I have combined them into one super being in these words. They are unique individuals with their own talents.  Sam went through a brief Goth phase,  but before that and after that she has been a smiling presence in the Back Bay kitchen.  Craig Steenkamp called her mom years ago and she really is the mother to these "orphaned" high schoolers.  She is very approachable and has mentored and nurtured so many young people to the best of their talents.  Sam is the gentle touch and the constant smile on the trip.  It is not surprising that Sam is now a maternity nurse giving young ones love the moment of their birth.

        Years ago, on their second trip we were completing a house for a Vietnamese woman, Mrs. Nguyen.  I can only imaging the trials and tribulations in the life of a 60 something Vietnamese woman,  but it was our job to make her happy and complete her house.  She was not supposed to be living in the house, but she slept every night on two 2 x 4's wrapped in a sheet as her pillow keeping an watchful eye on her partially completed house.  She was supposed to be sleeping in the FEMA trailer the government had given her.  While we were working at her house, the government came to take her trailer.  A couple of rough men who were being paid by the trailer were hauling it away with little regard for her possessions still in the trailer.  This sometimes happens when government in Washington does not really understand poverty at the local level.  I got a call to rush to the site,  I was confronted with 25 girls hanging over a wooden deck sobbing as they had never seen poverty or the frustration of the real world up close.  I tried my best to talk to each student to give them some comfort, because I had no answers.  All of a sudden, I heard the djeet, djeet of a couple of screw guns coming from the house.  Megan and Jessi Pachak on their second year of the trip were working hard to finish building a closet.  I tried to engage in conversation and was greeted with angry glares. I insisted they talk about what they were going through.  They answered simply, "We cannot help Mrs. Nguyen, by crying on the porch, we have to get her house DONE!"

         Megan is shaking her head, reading this story,  she is too humble to accept the praise I want to give her.  She always tells me it was nothing.  But this is the beauty of who Megan Manuel is--she is always working to get the task at hand done,  she is always working.  She will mentor a young rookie on the job,  but Megan will usually pick someone with a little bit of talent and work ethic.  Megan does not want to be slowed down by giggles or slacking,  she comes to Mississippi to work and get the job done.  I can always count on whatever site that Megan is on,  the work is getting done.  Usually that means,  Craig and I have to look for another job site, because the moment the work is done,  she is ready for the next task.

         Megan and Sam are the best of friends and great sisters.  They make each other better people and they always have each other's backs.  So today we had breakfast and they already have ideas for their 12th trip,  one idea we are mulling that they suggested would totally change the trip.  They are always working to make this trip better and always thinking about ways we can do more for the people we meet in Biloxi, Gulfport and beyond.

         Probably the two best people I have ever worked with,  and they started as kids!!, are Sam and Megan.  They have eased the burdens of our friends in Mississippi.  Two different, amazing, compassionate, giving, selfless young women who share really only one trait.

         They both look great in Teal.

Breakfast 25 -- Jack Magee

         On September 7th,  my dad will be 86 years old.  It is hard for me to comprehend all of that.  He was my current age in 1991.  In 1991,  I was still an engineer for McDonnell Douglas and spending most of my free time doing very short term things  drinking beers with buddies,  staying out too late,  going to Vegas,  going to Kentucky Derbies.  But really just the pursuit of short term fun.   I now have a legacy of a couple things I have been involved with for years both in Biloxi and in Uganda,  and now in the streets of St. Louis.  I plan to be at North Tech for many more years and I hope to impact my students there.

         When my dad was my age,  his life was pretty well complete.  Due to his position as a National officer for the Airline Pilots Association,  he had pretty much stopped flying,  he was a grandfather already and certainly more were on the way.  My dad at my current age was at the top of everything,  he was flying internationally to be the United States representative for Air Line Pilots.  He was winding down more than one decade of leadership as a national representative.  Before my dad was elected to national office it was unheard of for a pilot from a small town hub airline, Ozark, to hold national office.  Somehow he did it,  I think he worked hard and was trusted and at the time was a spark and a fire brand to make sure pilots were treated well and not mistreated by the robber barons who were intruding on the airline industry.

          It was fun being at the National Conventions for pilots and seeing the esteem and the admiration that he had amongst his peers for his work an his leadership,  but if I truly think back on it,  it is the small lessons he taught me that stood out.  My dad from Candyland on never let us win a game that he was competing in.  To beat my dad at Risk or Monopoly was truly an accomplishment and something I still treasure.  My dad was a great neighbor,  the community that they built on Holyoke and Apple Valley and Pebble Hill still stands up today.  The numbers are getting smaller,  but they are still friends with people they met as neighbors in 1962 or 1963.  Most of all they were always willing to help a neighbor.  Today,  my great neighbor,  Alfred from Ghana,  alerted me to a tree problem I now have in the back.  I imagine sometime this week,  the two of us will try to bring the branch down.  I remember my brother Tom and I being awakened too early on a summer morning just like this week and being told to go to the Leonard's lawn and start sawing up their downed tree into small pieces.  I know my dad and mom payed the SLUH tuition of a neighborhood kid when times were tough for that family.  I am now toying with the idea of letting that person know of my parents' generosity.

            My dad started his own charity to give money to 3 priests we knew that were doing missionary work and local work in Arkansas.  He just kind of started it and found ways to support these 3 priests and sometimes more.  It still kind of goes on today. 

           If I could go back in time,  I might just choose to have dinner with my dad at the same age.  Mary, John , Tom, and Katie  he did a pretty good job.  All of my siblings have great families and their willingness to help others is always prevalent.   When my dad lived 4 days a week in Washington, D.C.  I would occasionally visit just by myself.  I remember going to Congressional hearings and tooling around D.C.  by myself as he worked and then ending the evening at the Dancing Crab or the Chesapeake Crab House.

           I remember being in awe when I heard of the Senators and Congressmen he had met.  And I also remember asking him at a very young age,  "Isn't Ted Kennedy great?"  My dad answered quit quickly and succinctly.  "John, Ted Kennedy lived his whole life never having to worry where his next dollar is coming from,  never worrying about how he would feed his family.  He is a good man,  but I trust a man who has known the struggle more."

           I know very kind and nice people,  and people who do the very best for their children,  but we must not forget our parents and grandparents almost always went through the struggle. I sometimes think I have gone through the struggle when my furnace goes out,  when my tree branches hang precariously in my back yard. 

           My father paused before breakfast to be visible in his Faith and visible about praying in public.  Something both he and my mother now do.  Sometimes when they do it,  I still feel a tinge of awkwardness like someone might think I am not cool.  (boy I hate those feelings.)

          So here is how I will end this piece on my father.  I am going to think about those on the border separated from their children.  My dad's charity, Sons of St. Dominic Savio,  helped Father Dorsey and these families in Arkansas.  So I am going to think about these families just trying how to figure out how to do the best for their families,  and I am going to pray OUT LOUD for them.

          My father (and mother) taught me these words so long ago,  "Our Father....

Breakfast 24 -- Leah Biskup Coady

           If you are reading this blog for the 4th or 5th time,  get your phone out,  find someone you enjoy, admire, or makes you laugh.  Find the person you have not talked to in years,  and pick a time and a place to have breakfast.  Each morning I have breakfast with some of the best people St. Louis and soon Chicago has to offer,  and it is amazing how that feels.   and Say you will do things when asked.  I can remember exactly where I was when someone asked me to tutor for Leah.  It was in the circle drive at Nerinx in front of the school/gym.  I think it was probably my first year coaching at Nerinx, I had just begun to teach at Loyola.

           I have talked to people who were there when it happened,  a softball field,  maybe just a JV game,  where the only people at JV games are people that love you.  Imagine watching a young girl go through something,  an episode, a seizure watching the softball game that day,  they just knew it was serious and there had to be such pain and empathy of the spectators that day.  Leah has had brain cancer and has had 5 of these incidents in her life.  I may not have all the details correct, but this is not about the details.  This is about a stubborn young girl named Leah who I was blessed to tutor in 2002.  After talking with her mom Sara,  we finally worked out that there would be times during my time at Loyola that I could tutor Leah midday of the school year.  Luckily both Tom Nolan and Frank Corley of Loyola thought this was a good use of my time and left it up to me to give Leah some of my day still be prepared for my guys at Loyola.

          It was pretty early on,  that I got to see Leah as Leah.  She is stubborn and kind of a perfectionist,  and I think that stubbornness made her a hero.  Please have no doubt in my words,  Leah is my hero and one of a handful of people in my life that I admire the most.    But back to Loyola her mom, Sara,  came to Loyola talked to the receptionist, found Mr. Magee,  and sat down and read a book.  Leah and I would work for at least an hour trying to do mathematics.  Here you have to understand,  Leah knew math and was a great math student,  but it was like she lost part of her hard drive and could not access the files.  She understood exactly what a square root was and all the square roots.  She knew that the square root of 289 was 17,  but her brain would not allow her to draw the square root sign.  So we worked for long times,  I would sometimes try to circle back to the beginning to help her recapture her knowledge,  and she would just look at me with a grimace.  Without words she told me that this was too easy for her,  and she wanted to move on,  she wanted to learn more.

          Both Leah and I talked this morning that we are fascinated how the brain works,  and I wish we would have taped some of our study sessions. It was fascinating to me how she was reconstructing her knowledge and her abilities,  she was determined to regain what she had once had.  Twenty years in there has never been another Leah,  and I am kind of glad I do not know of another who had their brain taken from them in this way.  But she worked, and worked,  and was determined to get back to the student she remembered she was.  We laughed probably every day,  especially when I called her out for being stubborn,  and it was fascinating to see glimpses of the student she used to be.  Man, did that kid work and even when her brain or memory betrayed her,  she reacted for just a couple of seconds,  and then get right back to the learning.  I realize that I need to share her story more with my current students.  They have obstacles too,  but they need the stubbornness of Leah to battle through their own obstacles.    Leah was in the same Nerinx class as my niece,  and it is amazing to see these young women move into adulthood with families and young ones of their own.  I saw Caitlin's growth and transformation on a regular basis,  but Leah I just heard about.  I would ask anyone she knew to give me updates,  and occasionally would run into her parents. Her younger sister, Livia,  battled bamboo with Mr. Milford on a Biloxi trip and Livia had the same determination as Leah on that difficult task.  So I followed Leah's life on Facebook,  she got engaged (smiley face),  she got married (champagne bottle) and she had her own child (what emoji is there for just pure happiness).  Leah graduated from Saint Louis University while still having to manage her limitations. She know has a Master's and I hope one day will get her dream job.   People with cancer,  young families with young ones with cancer,  can see and hear her story. Listening to Leah and hearing her story could be gold for the right people.  I will start praying today to give her those opportunities.  I want them to know her story.   The story of my Hero.

         I want to write a small paragraph about Jeff and Sara,  Leah's parents.  Jeff was usually at work so Sara would drive Leah to Loyola and then just sit and wait.  I believe she had a book,  but it was evident how much she loved Leah.  I wonder if she ever read it, or just sat there thinking about her daughter and the obstacles ahead.  Sara showed me what a mother's love was and it reminded me of my own mother who would do anything for any of us first.  Sara was determined to get the best for Leah and there is no doubt the Leah got some of her determination (stubbornness ??) from her mother.  And every time I saw Jeff he greeted me with genuine warmth and a smile.  I am older now and I could not write the story without writing that is was the genuine love of her family and the continued love of her family that got her through these past obstacles and have already steeled Leah's reserve,  she is ready for the next bad news and she will storm into like a superhero with one fist extended.

         I said yes to a neighbor in the circle drive at Nerinx,  so now I am a small part of Leah's story.  I was in the first movie,  but in the sequels it has been other who took the supporting roles.  I am blessed that I was in the original.

         Leah

Breakfast 23 -- Haylye Markway

            Today I was greeted with the wonderful smile of Haylye,  a former student of mine,  whom I failed.  In high school,  I saw what was happening to Haylye by some coaches and some administrators and tried to find a path for her where she would be treated equitably and with decency.  It did not happen.   I remember seeing the tears of  Haylye and her mother when we realized that she would not triumph in this battle.  Years later,  this sad memory is still in my brain.  For some reason I remember the times when I could not help my students too well.

            As I mentioned, I saw tears in Haylye's eyes,  I did not see her cry,  she is too strong for that and also too kind and too selfless.  At times, she encouraged me to help others because they needed me and she would be okay.  Haylye's quiet smile has to bring joy to all her family and friends who love her.  It is in this smile,  that you can also see her strength.  Haylye is one of a significant group of Nerinx students that I taught who was never mean or unkind to anyone.  I asked her about that this morning and she just kind of said, "Why?"  Why would she use any of her minutes in a day being unkind to another person.  And then she smiled.  Look to the right and look at the kindness and the warmth of her smile.

           THIS IS NOT A SAD STORY.  Because of Haylye.  She found the path that was not closed off to her and excelled.  She found her own path and would not be stopped.  Just recently she was name the Assistant Coach of Saint Louis University Women's Soccer Team.  I hope somehow her Head Coach reads this,  because she might be one of the smartest women on the planet.  To give Haylye this job at the ripe age of 23,  is an incredibly decision showing amazing foresight.  Haylye is a tremendous athlete and understands how to succeed in soccer,  how to score, how to be a great teammate,  and how to live your life with kindness and smile.  It was obvious to me in just an hour of conversation this morning that adult Haylye is an even better version of high school Haylye...  and high school Haylye was a great kid.

          I have attended all kinds of sports to support my students in many different venues.  I have never gone to a sporting event to watch an Assistant Coach.  But I can guarantee you I will be at Hermann stadium this fall to see a young coach work.  I will be watching very closely as I am sure Haylye can teach me a little bit about how to be a better coach. 

           The news of Haylye being named to her coaching position was posted on her Facebook.  Of course, many friends and families expressed Congratulations to her.  Those red letters stood out.  Haylye could have made a comment at the end of all of the well wishes thanking them,  but this is Haylye,  if you are friends on Facebook you got to see it.  Haylye replied to almost every comment,  I stopped counting when I got to forty.  I believe that is how she will coach -- to understand that each young woman has something special and different and to treat each one like the star they are.  Father Leonsyo, in a small village in Uganda,  demonstrated to me how to love each person as their own person.  Somehow Haylye already knew how to do that.  How lucky I am that I get to call both of them friends.

Breakfast 22 -- Jack Abels.

    As I near halfway,  50 breakfasts might not be enough.  This is such an enjoyable way to start each and every day.  For you Arrested Development fans,  when I first saw the actor Michael Cera I thought he should pay Jack Abels royalties,  but he was doing Jack's schtick.  Jack has always found humor in himself and the world around him.  Driving back from the Olivette Diner,  I think back a long time to when I first knew Jack,  someone came back from Mackenzie Pool and said,  "Hey I think that guy you know almost died."  Jack had taken a scuba class or two and knew a trick to take the air out of his lungs, so he did it to walk across the bottom of the ten feet.  It did not go well,  but I see an Arrested Development episode where John Michael did the exact same thing only to be brought back to life by mouth to mouth from Maybe..... and comedy ensued.  If you have not watched Arrested Development get on it,  and the jokes  are sometimes set up 3 episodes before hand so binge watching works well.

      Jack knew he wanted to be a stockbroker right out of college and worked hard and slugged through the tough years of building a client base to have a successful career now.   In the early 80s he talked me out of buying the best selling stock of that year,  but I wanted to buy it for its video game potential and it also made Cabbage Patch dolls so we were both wrong,  but the money would have been nice.  Now Jack tries things in life.  He probably is the best at seeing something interesting in his reading of the world and actual going out and doing it.  I do not know of anyone who would fly in a wingsuit, but it would not surprise me if Jack all of a sudden knew a guy, who knew a guy and he was wingsuiting it in the mountains of the Yucatan.  By the way,  I am not sure if the Yucatan has mountains, but Jack if he was wingsuiting would be in an exotic locale.

      Jack is an actor or has at least tried his hand at some community theatre over the years.  (So maybe Michael Cera did steal his schtick).  He did this in his professional years,  and it has been a long time since I have seen a play of his,  but you have to applaud the brother for sticking his neck out and trying it.  And the other thing is,  he knew that he enjoyed doing what he was doing.  He was not concerned about what others might say.  Immediately Harry Chapin's song Mr. Tanner is in my head.   I am not certain that Jack introduced me to the music of Harry Chapin or Bruce Springsteen, but we both listened to them together back in the days,  before everyone else did. 

      Tony Sciuto once told me he is a quipster.  He does not tell jokes, he just waits for others to say something that he can play off of and then he cracks wise.  I also try that,  but I think Jack and I are always trying to set up the next laugh or tell a good story.  With Jack,  I think he truly does this because he enjoys the laughter of others.  He is a good guy to travel with, because he makes the dinner conversations more interesting and more full of laughter. 

      Somehow,  it might have been because we were always looking for rides home, the St. Dominic Savio boys hooked up with the Seven Holy Founders boys early in our freshmen year at SLUH.  It is amazing to me know in the days of helicopter parents and cell phones that a significant percentage of my freshmen class at SLUH did not know how they were getting home each day.  Somehow it all worked out.  Tony Sciuto and I have been friends with Jack since those early days at SLUH.  And then one summer,  every time we went out we would stop at Jack's first and then go to the Agne household.  We were always laughing at the Agne house.  I think we had this routine for a whole year.  It helped that Gary's sister Tracy was always there  and Tracy was very cute and had a great laugh.  I think my goal at the Agne house was always to make Tracy laugh and one of us would always make her laugh,  sometimes Jack,  sometimes Tony, and sometimes me.

       I think there are a few students reading this.  As the summer of 2018 begins, I hope you had a summer like Jack and I did.  Full of good times with good friends and always full of laughter,  Jack is always looking down the road for the next laugh.

Breakfast 21 -- John Gilliam

        My first relaxing summer might not happen.  My A/C is done and all new furnace is needed,  and with that large setback it seems the little things are kicking my butt also.    Risk online is fun, but also an interesting study in human behavior.  We had a good game going between 4 of us,  when one person got angry and decided to wreck his game by destroying me.  It did not work,  I was set to finish 2nd because the other guy was way ahead with my many casualties,  but I decided just to keep trying and soon I had pulled off a miracle win.  I love playing Risk,  I hope all of you have something you do that has no value,  it just wastes time,  but it brings you enjoyment.

       I have known John Gilliam for 43 years with him being a good friend for a better part of those years,  but it is a friendship that has had its ebbs and flows.  We both showed up for breakfast this morning knowing many of each other's low points.  John each year triumphs a little more  and gets further away from the mistakes he made.  He is a model of perseverance.  We have been great friends,  kind of friends, friends, and everything in between.  Now we are older and our friendship goes stronger every year.  When I was on the bottom,  it was John and Ed Poth and Dave Difani who made sure they were looking for work for me as much as I was looking.  I had some tough years, but I will always remember those 3 that helped and the Broun and the Hartenbachs also.  I really did like the job had me do and may pursue that in several years if I ever make it to retirement.

       John is a father, a husband, a grandfather and has talents and treasures in each of those.  His long term friends all agree,  he is just a great guy to hang around with to share a beer with, golf with, or watch a ball game with.  He is a little like John Kuehner in that people just want to hang with him and go out on the town with him.   And if it was not for John Gilliam,  Terri and Tim Gaffney would not be in my life or the lives of all the students on the Biloxi student service trip.

       Maybe it was grace, maybe it was coincidence that I had breakfast with John Gilliam this morning.  Maybe God was trying to tell me--persevere.  Live the next day with purpose, move forward,  do the best you can do today.  And like John has shown us their is an "ordinary resurrection" in many of our lives.  You just have to do your best and not let the world and a few setbacks get in your way. 

      The Post Office still has no idea where my week's worth of mail is,  my house is 88 degrees,  I am at a lifetime high in weight and need exercise,  and the Cardinals are the Cardinals.  I should have left breakfast today and gone and done something positive,  but I napped and played Risk.  So tomorrow it is.  I will follow the footprints of my friends.