Breakfast # 2 (2021) Courtney Naunheim

 “You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love” **

    There has never been a time where I did not see something special in Courtney.  Do you remember the scene in Bambi, where Bambi tries to skate.  When I first met Courtney, I think that is how she saw herself.  A lot of teenage girls see themselves that way.  Courtney led with her awkwardness, she would cringe and laugh at the words she had just said aloud in class.  She would want to take them back, she thought she was wrong, her answers and her words were stupid—she did not then see her own courage.  She did not then trust her own voice.  Her courage and her voice are amazing, but I am getting ahead of myself.

“Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out”  **

    I have always liked the song Brave by Sara Bareilles.  I have had too many coincidences in my life to not understand them as God’s Grace.  So after a wonderful breakfast with Courtney, later that night I heard the song again and realize it was Courtney’s song. She did not let the “shadow win” , she found her feet and strode forward with an elan in her step.

      Nerinx always encouraged young women to find their own voice, to become empowered and take on their own world.  The problem was when you had a Courtney or a Mimi Hatches or an Alaina Appelbaum or a Katie Hanson many adults at Nerinx did not know what to do with these voices.  Become empowered, but maybe tone it back a little they would say.  If Nerinx was smart, Courtney Naunheim should be on all the pamphlets and all the literature,  she was the empowered child—she found her own voice.  Maybe only a teacher or a parent could know this joy… and probably just a teacher,  I am hoping a parent keeps seeing their kid,  but I as a teacher get to see my students 10 or 20 years later, when they exceed my expectations and are conquering the world and smiling with their brothers and sisters. I knew the awkward freshmen I saw at Nerinx would be something special. I just did not know how special.

     Courtney told me at breakfast how they shuttled her to several different counselors when she would get “in trouble” at Nerinx. I just stopped writing to laugh as I wish I could have seen Courtney with all of her teenage madness in a room with one of these adults.  It makes me laugh now and would have especially made me laugh then,  Courtney had her own spirit and her own drive, a good sheep dog would have bit her on the ankle and led her back,  not try to crush who she was.

“ Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down

By the enemy

Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
But don't run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is”

          Courtney will tell you and she did tell me that she had some battles she had not yet won and there were some obstacles she had not yet figured out how to get by.  She was a teenager, a troublemaker, and she needed help—real help.  Maybe if they had not kicked me out, I might have seen it.  But this post, is about Courtney and her strength.  Courtney saw it.  She saw what she had to do.  As her friends made plans for College and Mizzou,  Courtney listened to a Navy recruiter and enlisted.  Nerinx girls did not join the Navy, they went to College.  The Nerinx counselor was furious,  this was going to make their numbers look bad, how could she do this.  Maybe they did not listen to the Nerinx mantra,  “Be empowered women, find your own voice, take your own agency.”  Courtney did exactly what they told all 630 students to do and they hated her for it.

            Sorry Courtney, you may not get this reference, but she was Hayley Mills in The Trouble with Angels, she was just missing the nun who saw her soul, and heard her voice.  Maybe to continue with this theme, the Voice of an Angel.  So now Courtney, you have got to watch the Classic “The Trouble with Angels.”I am a teacher —I give out homework.

          Father Boyle says, “We see in the homies what they do not see in themselves…

Until they do.”  

I left those last three words linger by themselves on their own line.  I would have loved to see the day that Courtney(Bambi) found her footing on the ice, it probably was not the first day in the Navy, but good people in the Navy encouraged Courtney to find her own voice, recognize her obstacles and triumphed.  Courtney laughed when describing this to me,  the Navy and a doctor or two recognized that Courtney would have to devote all of her efforts and her energy to win the day.  It was not going to be a part-time job.  It was time for her to roll up her sleeves and do the work.

    I am so grateful that she did.  I got to have breakfast this week with Courtney, a student of mine who found her voice and learned how to walk on that ice.  

    The Navy paid for her college? But she EARNED that degree as she went to class with kids after she had sailed the seas and had seen the world.  She had a different vision than her classmates and definitely a more dedicated purpose.  She is now an interior designer for a great Architectural firm.  Ironically, she is now designing educational spaces for high school students,  Courts maybe you should design a closet in each classroom where a student could find her voice OR …  better yet a stage in each classroom where students could shout their truth.

    It is now early morning and I hope that my words told this story correctly.  I had not seen Courtney in 10 years, but tonight we ended up at the same Karaoke bar.  She got to meet my good friends, a couple of Nerinx  alum who definitely have their own voice.  Her good friend and Courtney left because they were not going to get to sing their own song, but this is my story so I get to tell the end of the story.

The strong DJ grabs the mic from the last singer and says “Courtney, can we have Courtney to the stage”.  The music begins and Courtney starts,

“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave.”**

**brave, by sara bareilles

Breakfast # 1 (2021) — Colleen Winter Cantareira

 What to do with an idle summer—simple, get vaccinated find old friends, good people, the best people. It seems like I have written this before, a homage, a tribute to my friend Colleen… but maybe not.  Maybe I dreamed it.  At the end of July, I am going to Dallas with friends I have known so long, that it does not seem real. High school friends are the best friends, because they were there when you were all idiots.  They know the stories you would never tell mom. 

      Thank God, in the fall of 1991 that Mary Kay and Holly had the good sense to find Colleen.  They found their own group of idiots, and boy,  do they have their stories.  Today the Nerinx crew are still good friends.  And they are there for each other through good times and bad,  Tragically, this group has had to rally for each other with kind words and many hugs.  So Colleen joined our team, a basketball team that literally changed my life.  Many on that team are now some of my most wonderful friends.  My sister Katie and I had coached a group of St. Dominic Savio girls from the 4th grade and now they were in high school so Michele, Julie, and Colleen were added to our team. Katie and I joke she got Maureen as a friend, I was second pick so I got Mary Kay and Holly.  Because of this I got also Colleen and Julie and Dajer and Karen and Katie and Sarah and then of course Phil.     

        Any way, I remember after the one game we went to a Pizza place on 21 after a game and Colleen starting sharing details about the game that I had just coached, apparently I had missed a lot as Colleen told stories of the battles she had just fought,  she had as all laughing out loud.  Colleen was laughing so hard, she was crying. That was almost 20 years ago, and ever since when the whole gang gets together, I try to sit next to Colleen  as her words and her stories entertain me. More important they strengthen a friendship that gets better every time I see her.  Each time I see Colleen I am happy and cannot wait to catch up.  She never disappoints.  I have to be careful when I say this, because I know so many great people,  but Colleen would be def… top 20 on people I want to sit and enjoy a meal with.  Her kindness and her friendship mean so much, during the breakfast she congratulated me (better yet she was earnest in her encouragement of me.  She was happy that I was well.  Her words of kindness and love hit me hard and I stumbled as tears came to my eyes) on my appearance and my health. I told her I was good and she smiled.   How do we have this connection?  I really think it is Grace,  maybe God has allowed me to have a special insight into Colleen …so I will be more willing to look for it in my students.  In other words I get  Colleen, I feel I have a special insight into her greatness.  And I think she gets me too.  God’s Grace encourages me to look for goodness in others—my students.  

     When I first met Colleen, she was the same age as my students are now.  Did I see the greatness in her soul that I see today when I first met her.  I hope I did,  or maybe this reflection allows me to take a moment and look harder at the 16 year olds that I now teach.

    I kind of never know where my words will land, but tonight as I was listening to Karaoke in Soulard, I knew I would have to write.  I sat at a table in Carson’s listening to mostly bad karaoke reflecting on the good friends at my table and the 2 breakfasts I had had this week.  (Foreshadowing:  breakfast 2 will be written tonight).  I am blessed, I have a mom, who for so many, many years has been my biggest fan and biggest supporter.  My mom gets my weirdness and actively encourages it,  my dad just shakes his head.  My mom was next to me on her dining room table when I built my duct tape coat for Holly’s reception.

       Colleen has three boys in high school and most of her life is at baseball games and tournaments.  I have met the boys and they are great kids,  I hope in 2026 I am still buying breakfasts, then maybe I will take her twins out to eat and hear their stories and their thoughts on their wonderful mom.  I know they will tell me stories of when Colleen was at their side building something with them, encouraging them the whole time.

     A couple got up at Southwest Diner, and beckoned us to take their shaded table.  It was a kindness that was appreciated, but I think not necessary.  Colleen and I were going to get our Conversation ON.  That is never a doubt after we see each other 11 months or 17 months down the road.  I should not really smoke cigars any more, but maybe Colleen and I can find a couple of rocking chairs on a front porch somewhere.   So think about it, hopefully you have been there, a good rocking chair, a summer breeze blowing, maybe a glass of ice tea or lemonade—and great, great conversation.  What the Irish call Craic.  So thanks Colleen, my rocking chair friend, your friendship and encouragement always make me feel comfortable and loved.  I just closed my eyes and felt myself rocking back and forth, the breeze hit my back and I felt I could stay there forever,  just like your friendship. Rock……rock…..rock

Breakfast 67 -- Tony Sciuto

           I think they were 11 of us at St. Dominic Savio that tried to get into St. Louis U. High.  In the end,  3 of us made it:  Steve Schad, Tony Sciuto, and me.  Steve and Tony were kind of running mates and I was the third wheel.  Steve tried out for C team football made the squad and started hanging out with the freshmen football team.  I got Tony and have had him ever since. The funny part Steve was a good soccer player and I never ever remember seeing him play football.  Tony's dad worked at Nooter Boilermaker which was close to SLUH,  so each morning Tony, Steve, Matt Grzesiowski and I would pile into Mr. Sciuto's Cougar and we were on our way.  There was a shy girl that waited for the bus at Jamieson and Pernod and was there every day,  we never talked to her but I think one time either Matt or Steve through a rock with a note on it towards her.  The note was written from my perspective and asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend.  Who knows whatever happened to that shy girl, maybe in today's world with Facebook and social media we would have found out.

            Tony was my running mate in high school and eventually we joined up with other famous pairs like Martin and Stephens, Abels and Agne, Hellwig and Krumrey, etc.  Looking back I remember some of the jokes, but it is amazing since we spent so much time together I do not have striking memories,  now if I say something like, "Sometimes you hear the bullet" he will know exactly what I am talking about.  He also loves to answer my either -- or questions with either a yes or a no.  I still sometimes set him up for this-- I have not learned.  When I got to Marquette and met some of my floor mates, I was bitter that SLUH did not do a better job of giving Tony more options for college.  We could have been there together.   My mother and I drove together to Marquette just the two of us.  Tony followed us the whole way until we got on I-44 at Arsenal.  He waved good-bye and my mother cried, she thought it was the most amazing thing.   Tony's "fighter escort"  farewell really touched my mom's heart and she has had a special place in her heart for Tony ever since.  Tony was wearing the same type of hat that Billy Jack wore in the movie Billy Jack.  It had been my prized possession and I gave it to him when we said our good-byes.

            Tony was there when young girls broke my heart and I was there for him.  Somehow,  we never found the right one.  I wrote long sappy letters to him after these break-ups and he kept them for years.  I tried, unsuccessfully, to get them back for years after a decade  I  did not care as much.  He told me whenever he was feeling blue, he would read my letters and laugh and realize he was in better shape than me.

            There is so much I can write about Tony, but I think I will stick with a couple of stories.  We lived together at 2222 Marconi ( I could be wrong on the address), there was a bar to our right, Sammy D's and I think a sweatshop to our left.  You could barely see in the place, but you could kind of make out several women working on sewing machines.  Tony put a chess set on our living room coffee table and he would sit in a chair and I would lay on the couch when we would watch TV.  The rooks on the chess set were both elephants and I would hook their trunks together and swing them back and forth.  After a few weeks, I noticed he had switched pieces,  there were very simple chess pieces, so I would pick up a black pawn and a white pawn and match up their seams from the molds, I would then just look at them and spin them around.  After a couple of weeks,  there were no chess pieces on the board,  so I unscrewed the leg from the coffee table and had it in my hand.  Tony started screaming !!! Apparently all my habits were driving him crazy and he kept changing things around on the chess board to stop my fidgeting.   When I took apart the table he went crazy.  So Tony is kind of a weird guy,  maybe it is all my fault.

            Same apartment,  I bought a box of Raisin Bran,  opened it up and poured myself a bow.   I was enjoying my breakfast with him.  I commented a couple of times that I could not believe how many raisins were in my cereal.  It was great and I was very happy.  Over the course of the next couple of weeks, I had more Raisin Bran and I could not believe it--there were like NO raisins.  As I finished my last bowl of the box, I commented to Tony that I guess they did not get mixed and all the raisins were on the top, because I got no more raisins.  Tony got up and showed me a baggy full of raisins.  Apparently,  after my first bowl he had spent an hour or two deraisining my cereal.  I still laugh when I think about it.  Tony once told me that he is a quipster,  he is not funny but can be when people set him up.  I think I am also a quipster.

             So I am 4 breakfasts behind and I have still not packed for my 6 am departure tomorrow.  I really am going to have to work on my Tony speech or I am going to have to die first,  because I will not have his eulogy ready.  My brother Tom has been there since almost the beginning,  but Tony has been there since 8th grade,  he is my oldest and dearest friend.  I have made some great friends in my life, but Tony will always be my numero uno.  He is a weirdo and I still have not been able to convince him to join me for a baseball game or do something he does not want to do,  but I also know besides Jane Magee he worries about me and my life more than anyone.  They are both all-star worriers and I am so glad that I have been blessed with the both of them. 

Breakfast 66 -- Janice and Emily and 3

               God has shown me very directly several times in my life that I am not the center of the universe.  He has shown me how to be humble.  I was kind of miserable in pain and discomfort in a bath room of the recovery room at Mo Bap when I heard my oldest cousin Rick had died.   I immediately thought of Janice and her boys, Joe and Sam,  and Emily her daughter and what their morning must be like.  You never really know what to do when you hear news that will change your life.  Maybe the answer to every question IS compassion.  When I heard the news about Rick,  I regret that I did not immediately hug my sister, Mary.  My mind for a moment left Janice and her family,  and thought of my poor mother sitting at home.  I know she was anxious about my surgery and she was spending the morning,  praying and waiting for news.  As she is focused on prayers for me,  all of a sudden she gets run over by this news of her oldest nephew.  Later that day my dad checked his phone and notice he had received a text from Rick at 7:30 a.m. Rick texted, "Our prayers are sent back to you and John today.  All my good wishes are with you. Let me know if I can do anything other than pray.  Love you guys." So the last interaction between my cousin Rick and my dad  (and me)  was a selfless act of love for me.  Thanks God, I got the message.   And also thanks to Rick for your act of love.

                I don't know when I first met Emily,  I think she may have been 11 or so.  She was pleasant and laughed like any kid would.  A new kid in the family, when we did not have too many, this is cool I thought.  Janice,  I do not have to remember exactly when I met  you.  This is because in the last 20 years,  your  greetings to me are always the same.  Janice would always greet me with a smile and ask me how I was doing.  Then she would ask me a question about Uganda or about my job search or about school.    It was obvious she was keeping up on my life and genuinely cared about me and wanted me to do well in whatever I was doing.  It had to be tough for Janice to come into our family, because it was pretty much settled at the time,  and not everyone at that time was as welcoming as I would have liked them to be.  Or a better choice of words, I wish all my blood relatives had welcomed Janice into our family the way she welcomed all of us.  I was just a cousin and was not as close.   But now, I do know the path I will take from here on out.  I want to always welcome Janice and her family the way she welcomes me.  I want to Janice Janice.

                I think this goal will be easy to do,  as I will have Emily on my side.  Actually Emily is on every one's side.  She stepped into the hole that Rick's passing created and immediately started talking to people, posting on Facebook (this seems silly, but I have learned that communicating your feelings through FB sometimes can proclaim your love to a wider audience--so it has to be good, right?) and just setting up some of the small details.  For example, it was Emily who said Jeannie Magee needs to be the singer for the funeral.  It was Emily who saw my  breakfast post  a couple of days ago and instantly made plans for the six of us to be together.  Emily,  I cannot tell you how impressed I have been in the last month with your wisdom, your kindness,  and your ability to pull all of us together during this tough time.  And I know by some of your words, this loss is as big for you as it is for any one.  It will not get easier,  but you will learn to live with your grief a little better,  you will get used to the sorrow that is in your heart.  My Faith tells me this bit of comfort -- Rick is watching all of this.  I cannot even begin to fathom how much his love for you, and his pride in just who you are grows as he gets to watch you.....simply be you.  You have taken some of the best qualities of your mother and added them on to your soul and your words that give others strength will eventually give you strength also.  I also know you will be a great big sister to Joe and Sam when they need it the most.  I have the best older sister in the world, and I know in my most trying times she is always there with me.

                 It is the little things that I notice as a teacher, that tells me something about parents.  After a pretty long wait for breakfast, when it was time to order, all three little ones sat up straight, looked the server in the eye, and clearly told her what they wanted to eat.  (Although, the oldest was correct later when he told us that she did not get his order correct).  This seems like a small thing, but a busy server working hard to feed hundreds of people in the restaurant does not have time for whiny or off focus children.  The order of the kids were given just as quickly as the 3 adults at the table.  This politeness and I would say maturity is learned behavior.  Emily taught them this.  I wonder who Emily learned it from.

                 My friend, Steve Friskel, taught me this year that he does not have a "half-brother" or a "step-brother", in his family he just has a brother.  I do not share a bloodline with any of the five at this breakfast,  but from now on they are just my cousins.  Much simpler and much easier.  Family is often just meeting your family where they are and loving them the best you can at that moment.  I hope it is obvious that I feel I have received more from my cousins than I have given.   (Sidenote: I always buy the breakfasts,  but in this case and 65 other times, I have definitely been on the plus side of these breakfasts.  Yesterday morning,  I received so much more from my cousins than the cost of a couple of breakfasts).  By the way, the oldest, the nine year old ate his dinosaur pancake without question even though he had CLEARLY ordered a regular pancake.   I am proud of my little cousin.  With Janice and Emily there was never any conversation lulls or awkward pauses,  we talked about many things and it was great.  I know this will continue.  Good conversations.  A few inside stories.  Stories of Rick.  Just like family.  This IS what family looks like.

              I sometimes write very serious descriptions of people I meet for breakfast.  I want you to see these incredible people through my eyes.  Just like in this story, I hope I  have been successful.  Now I am going to share a deeply personal story about myself.  My entire life I have wanted to be married,  and I definitely wanted to have my own kids. (Especially a little girl who I could shove elbows with as we waited for pancakes).  My cousin Rick pulled off my miracle and he was always an inspiration for me.  Very late in his life, when most would say the game was done,  He met Janice and Emily and then came Joe and Sam.  He achieved the happiness that I always longed for.  In the end, I am not jealous but just so damn happy that Rick got his family and his loving, incredible wife.    For those of you who remember the movie,  I see Rick carrying Janice off the floor of the factory, and I shout as loud as I can,  "Way to go, Paula, way to go."

               Arnold, Missouri is not my home.  I have never been to this restaurant tucked into the mall.  I think I made an illegal U-turn to get there.  So here is my advice to all,  go away from your home, meet new people,  laugh and share a meal.  I had an incredible breakfast with my cousins.  I look forward to more.

               Thanks, Rick.             

Breakfast 65 -- Bill Elliott

                I recalled fondly in a previous post,  how they were certain students,  definitely a lot of Nerinx girls, but also John Duvall and Greg Anderson,  and many others that would just do whatever I asked with a smile on their face.  I have many life long friends that would jump into whatever I am trying to accomplish (hint: No Place Like Home 5k, October 6th) and just help me.  But in the last 10 years I have a new group-- dads who just signed up for a service trip with their daughter.   I can understand a little bit more the first two groups,  but I am talking people I have just recently met doing incredible things, just because I asked them.  They are all aware of the bigger picture and help many in our community.  Here is what I know,  all I have to do is ask and there are now about a dozen people who would jump to help us.  One of the very first of the Super Dads was Bill Elliott. 

               Bill Elliott and Scott Barnes still have the distinction of leading one of the best projects we have ever accomplished in Biloxi.  These two men and about a dozen of the best young workers ever started with a 20' x 30' plywood base and had all the wall up and the roof trusses within a week.  It really was an amazing project.  Jessi Pachak started it out by literally digging under the house and removing all the debris.  The all-star team was there  Amelia, Sam and Megan, Jessi, Kelly, Amanda, Melanie, and so many more.  The best picture I have of this group is all of them hoisting the south wall in the air,  so I cannot see any faces.  Bill was the de facto project manager of this group with Scott Barnes as his trusty sidekick.  They were incredible in their knowledge, their work ethic, and seriously instructing the young volunteers to get the job done.  They were a very cohesive group.  This is what community looks like.  Bill did get shot in the upper thigh, by a nail gun,  but Amelia maintains it was an "accident"/

                Since that time,  Bill and his crew at Kenrick Design have always been a willing participant to anything I asked him to do.  He is very deliberate talker and thinker and I listen to his words carefully, because I always learn something.  I think Bill always puts a thoughtful effort into what he is going to say,  so I always listen.  The next year was one of the times, we went to Biloxi with over 100 volunteers.  I had traveled down there on Spring Break to line up more work,  Back Bay only had room for so many helpers.  We worked with a organization that was trying to help people, but had neither the expertise or the history of Back Bay Mission.  They decided they could do the best for people by doing a very unique almost impossible rehab.  It could not be a new construction, because there was no government money for new stuff only rehab.  So Bill and his crew,  had to replace the floor and the floor joists while the building was still standing.  If you want to try this at home,  try putting on a pair of dress shoes while standing and not being able to bend down.  Go ahead and try it,  well Bill Elliott with Haley Hunter and Lizzie Puzniak and Camille Todd and many others did it.  But they did it with a house.

               I am trying to remember how many times Bill went to Biloxi with us,  because it kind of seems like in a small way he is always there.  He has gladly welcomed several groups of brand new high school girls into his business and spent an afternoon showing us how to use the tools and just as importantly why we build the way we do.  On more than one occasion, he also lined up a talk by the professional organization of  women in construction.  I have not seen Bill for a little while now,  and so when I was thinking of breakfasts, he was definitely on the list.  There were some old people at Breadco involved in a discussion that was a little bit wrong, so I was eavesdropping on them when Bill walked in.  Thirty seconds later, we were talking like two old friends and we shared stories about Biloxi and what is new.

                It turns out a lot is new for Bill and his wife as they have taken the church at Bompart and Tuxedo that was built in 1885 and turned it into a Bed and Breakfast.  So if you have out of town guests,  you should definitely look to the Elliotts for hospitality.  I am trying to think right now of something I have done for Bill Elliott,  I am kind of drawing a blank.  When I think of what he has done for me,  I could easily list a dozen impossible (upside house) favors that he did for me with a smile on his face. 

               I know Bill's daughter, Amanda, who has started her own family is very proud of her dad,  and would say great things about him.  I think one of the biggest tributes I could give to Bill is this.  We often tell the new students about the jobs we have completed, sometimes we drive them by the house on Wisteria.  The students will ask Megan Manuel, "How did you build that house?"  Megan will just exhale happily and say,  "Well, we had Mister Elliott."   I think Haley Hunter would use similar words,  Amelia (Shooter) besides trying to kill him thinks the world of him.

              Tomorrow night I will see my brother-in-law Gary Mindel.  Gary was at Breadco conducting a job interview and I introduced him to Bill.  Gary will ask me,  "How do you know Bill Elliott"  and I get to say the most wonderful four words in the world.

               He is my friend.

Breakfast 64 -- Terri Gaffney

                 The first thing you have to know about these breakfasts -- they truly are in a somewhat random order.  I did not take my own mother to breakfast until number 55.  And now Terri is clocking in at number 64.  If I was ranking women in my life, they would both be top 10.  They share a common characteristic, both of them are very excited about this breakfast project and I knew I could count on both of them to go to breakfast at the very last minute.  They would both accommodate their own schedules to be there for me.  This is not once or twice, this is every day of their lives.  They are always putting others first.  Terri, I cannot think of a better person to compare you with then my mother.  I now believe that there is something of real value in these breakfasts.  My two big takeaways are: (1)  being intentional about your actions and  (2) working hard at giving time to your friendships.  But even in these breakfasts or this project was worthless, Terri would still be on my side supporting me.  I could tell Terri Gaffney that I was carving the entire senate out of zucchinis and she would be excited for me.  "Have you done Blount yet?  That is a great McCaskill, John,"  she would tell me.   "I don't know it does kind of look like Jeff Flake, the senator of Arizona."  I could be doing something that means nothing to her or she knows nothing about, but she would be supportive of me and would brag after a softball game that John Magee has carved 65 senators out of  zucchini this summer.  You should see us together at the Wheel of Fortune slot machines in a casino.

                   Somewhere on one of the computers,  I have in the past tried to depict all the different ways that the Gaffney family has inspired me over the years.    Terri will play softball tonight on Field 3,  a place she has been a fixture at for more than two decades.   Here is what will make Terri a little unique tonight,  she will truly want all 20 players on the field to have good games.  If I kid her about it tonight,  she would be somewhat surprised that other people do not want their teammates and opponents all to do well.  Terri would like Team Bud to win, of course,  but she would like every play for the other team to be an extra base hit where they are thrown out at third by great fielding plays by her own beloved, Team Bud.

                     I know a lot of good, helpful, and handy people in my life,  and Tim and Terri fit that bill,  and speaking about fitting the bill.. . . .  If they knew my kitchen faucet was not working (nobody move -- it is working fine),  they would be over tonight to fix it.  Somewhere along the way they would realize that they needed another part.  Either Tim or Terri would go out, buy the missing faucet part and come back and fix my faucet.  Then when it was done, would not even let me pay for the part. Ask around I bet many could tell these same stories.

                      I need to get in shape, and probably should have gotten over to Terri's pool for some lap swimming.  I would have showed up in the middle of the day and there would have been some people in the middle of the day that I did not recognize.  Somehow, Terri has invited the world to her house and her pool and thinks nothing of it.  I have known Terri and Tim for over 20 years now,  and I would not recognize tomorrow the people at the pool.  There seem to be an infinite amount of friends that Terri and Tim have that I barely know.  And guess what,  every year more people get added to that Gaffney friends list.  I have done Blackthorn Softball much longer than the Gaffneys and I recognize people when I see them in different places, but for the most part I only see these people in the summer.  Terri and Tim are like best friends with people on 13 or 14 different teams,  and that might be an understatement.

                     With all of the Biloxi trips, I have noticed that Terri is not an early riser and not a morning person. It kinda does not fit with the rest of her.  I finally figured it out as I drove home from Tower Grove Park tonight.  Terri puts about a day and a half of working, being there for friends, being there for family,  and being there for strangers into every single day.  I think she just needs all of her sleep because she is doing so much each and every day.  Next time you see Terri ask her what she is doing this week.   It will include: working as a travel agent, giving swim lessons to youngsters, being Grandma at least a couple of times a week, being the hostess/greeter/head cheerleader for Adam's smokehouse, umpiring softball every Tuesday, playing and organizing softball every Thursday,  being a good friend, being a good mom.  taking care of Tim (I think Tim is very high maintenance--big sarcasm here)  and always being ready to do anything for me at a moment's notice.  Grammar police, sorry for the run on sentence--but Terri Gaffney's life is a run on sentence.   So yeah she might get a little tired.

                   Tonight in the middle of this description,  I went over to do an odd job for mom and dad.  My mom was genuinely happy after reading the first paragraph that I compared her to Terri.  She sees Terri about twice a year,  and every time Terri sees my mom they greet like they have been friends their entire lives.  My mom was quite flattered that I compared her to Terri.

                   Sam and Megan and Shelby and Hayley and Emily and Maggie and Mary Grace and now a whole lot more are wonderful examples that a woman can do anything she wants to do. Each of these young women charge into their lives with confidence.  They also make sure that they are always thinking of other people.  Each of them has spent hours watching Terri and a bit of who they are, as women who will serve and conquer our world,  comes from the example that Terri has shown them.

                    This is what community looks like.

Breakfast 63 -- Doug Callahan

              Doug is   loyal, friendly, kind, reverent, trustworthy, helpful, friendly, cheerful, courteous and  ......   Okay so I missed 4 from 1974,  not bad.  The ones I missed were Obedient, Thrifty, Brave and Clean.  I think that is a psychological profile as I seem to have trouble with those 4 characteristics.  Oh and I wrote friendly twice.  Those are the 12 parts of the Scout Law.  Doug is an Eagle Scout and has spent most of his adult life being a professional Boy Scout.  Here is the crazy thing,  he really does live these qualities most days.  He loves a cigar and beer and Irish Whiskey,  but those just give him character as he is truly one of the best guys I know.  I think I do a good job of praising and encouraging my students,  but Doug does this with adults all the time.  He knows a wide variety of people and every time I am with him I meet someone new.  He is great at making sure everyone knows each other and always introduces me to others with a little bit of my resume.  He will praise me as a teacher or as a service trip worker or as a missionary to Uganda.  I always get introduced with an accomplishment.  And I always meet people with one of their accomplishments,  Bob runs a great furniture business,  Steve has the best landscaping service,  this young man was on the Dean's List.  I always thought we can make this country great by just everybody working very hard to be the best neighbor they can be.  Doug is America's neighbor or at least the neighbor of all of COMO. 

             I really should take a course in writing, because I always bury the lead.  The lead is that Doug is the most loyal person I know.  He always has my back.  No matter what.  If I told him an old lady tripped me,  he might just say let's go get that old buzzard.  Sometimes when times are tough,  you don't need any more people telling you what you should have done or you should do this.  Sometimes, it just feels really good knowing that someone is behind you supporting you all the way.  Doug and I have some great conversations and we talk about life and directions and path,  but when I need him and he knows when I need him -- he just supports me 100%.    As I sat down to write this,  I just had a movie scene in my mind.  I ride over to Doug's place on a horse,  Doug hears me approach and walkds out and I just give him the nod.  He looks at me from under his cowboy hat and says,  "I'm ready."  He walks back into his place and starts grabbing his rifle and his guns.  Sue comes running out and says,  "Don't go, Doug, don't go!!"  As he hops onto his horse, she is still pulling at him.  He touches her gently and says,  "I'll be back."  And we ride off together to face down the bad guys.  It really would not matter how many of the outlaws there are,  Doug would be with me.  And he would certainly find his way back to his wife and family.  Doug is Loyal and he looks pretty good in a cowboy hat.

             I see a lot of my friends parent their kids.  I usually am smart enough to let them love their family, raise their family,  and guide their family without my help.  I know as a teacher,  one never knows the full story and sometimes when we think strangers in a crowd are being awful parents we do not know what happened that day.  Also,  I know that I have never really been a parent and probably will not have that joy in my life.  So it is a great pleasure to see Doug be a dad.  He seems to have just the right guidance on the most complex and chaotic of situations.  In the midst of the chaos, Doug seems to know exactly what is going on and often things about what an 11 year old or a 9 year old is thinking.  Using another western picture,  he has hold of the reins,  but holds them in a way that his children always have the freedom to choose their own path.   Doug's two children are both amazing in their own ways, but they are two distinct children.  Doug has had to be a different Dad for each,  but he is the best Dad he can be for Sean, and he is the best Dad he can be for Megan.  Both of them are old enough now, to realize all that he has done for them.  They are not old enough yet that they do not still need his guidance (Sean, Megan  my mother and father still sometimes steer me in a different direction).   And his children and his wife and myself have all felt that loyalty that he gives to so many.  So it is easier for him to be a Father, because they know how much he cares for them and makes big sacrifices in his time to do things for them and with them.

              Doug has promised me that when I die, he will steal my body,  put it in a rowboat on Wilmore Park lake and light it on fire, giving me a Viking funeral.  Several people know this story and they laugh and they kind of think it is a joke.  I would not be surprised if it actually happens,  so for my funeral do not send flowers,  hold onto your money,  Doug may need some bail money. By the way, don't ever send flowers to my funeral, unless they are artificial and you made them out of colored duct tape. 

              I never thought for a moment that Doug and I would not have breakfast together even though we live 2 hours away,  maybe even more with awful I-70 traffic today.  So that friend that lives too far away.  Grow up.  Hop in your car and go visit.  Over the past couple years I have learned that at times I just hop in my car and drive to Columbia.  I sometimes have other agendas,  but usually there is always a moment, actually probably at least a half hour where Doug and I connect and renew our friendship.  I know his couch is always open for me.  I also know that I probably won't spend any money on food or beer, Doug is always the consummate host.  The food is always amazing, usually eaten in a parking lot under the shadow of the Irish flag,  but as good as that food tastes,  it is so small compared to what Doug gives me as his friend--his compadre. 

              The Deacon -- although not an official deacon of the Catholic church, Doug has that nickname from his Columbia pals.  It is easy to find fault with the Church,  it is easy to make noise that a 2000 year old organization is slow and does not keep up with the times.  It is a little harder to be there every Sunday and speak your voice from within.  Doug does this.  He has proudly raised his kids Catholic and is proud of both his Jesuit tradition and the new traditions he started with his support of Bishop Tolton high school.  I think it is a little easier to hold true to a path when you are holding a compass, but it also takes a lot of hard work.  It is hard to hold on to that compass, but it gets easier the more regular you make your habits.  Doug hops in a car to come to St. Louis when he is needed by his mother or his extended family.  He still comes once a year to sell hot dogs at the school picnic so he can keep alive a tradition started by his father.  That could have easily died when his father passed,  but it was important to his mother and his family, so he hops in a car after a full day of work and sells hot dogs once a year.

                So for the people who are reading this or I have taken to breakfast that I see far too infrequently, I am going to strive to do better.  I am going to channel my inner Doug.  But guess what you can do this too,  take someone to breakfast or hop in a car and go visit that old friend.  Or meet halfway in Warrenton,  the Waffle House is okay. 

                I am blessed by the Grace Doug gives me every time I see him.  I hope you have a friend like Doug also.  And if you don't I will probably drive to Columbia a couple of times during football season.  I guarantee it will only take a game and a half, but Doug would be your friend too.