Breakfast # 2 (2021) Courtney Naunheim

 “You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love” **

    There has never been a time where I did not see something special in Courtney.  Do you remember the scene in Bambi, where Bambi tries to skate.  When I first met Courtney, I think that is how she saw herself.  A lot of teenage girls see themselves that way.  Courtney led with her awkwardness, she would cringe and laugh at the words she had just said aloud in class.  She would want to take them back, she thought she was wrong, her answers and her words were stupid—she did not then see her own courage.  She did not then trust her own voice.  Her courage and her voice are amazing, but I am getting ahead of myself.

“Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out”  **

    I have always liked the song Brave by Sara Bareilles.  I have had too many coincidences in my life to not understand them as God’s Grace.  So after a wonderful breakfast with Courtney, later that night I heard the song again and realize it was Courtney’s song. She did not let the “shadow win” , she found her feet and strode forward with an elan in her step.

      Nerinx always encouraged young women to find their own voice, to become empowered and take on their own world.  The problem was when you had a Courtney or a Mimi Hatches or an Alaina Appelbaum or a Katie Hanson many adults at Nerinx did not know what to do with these voices.  Become empowered, but maybe tone it back a little they would say.  If Nerinx was smart, Courtney Naunheim should be on all the pamphlets and all the literature,  she was the empowered child—she found her own voice.  Maybe only a teacher or a parent could know this joy… and probably just a teacher,  I am hoping a parent keeps seeing their kid,  but I as a teacher get to see my students 10 or 20 years later, when they exceed my expectations and are conquering the world and smiling with their brothers and sisters. I knew the awkward freshmen I saw at Nerinx would be something special. I just did not know how special.

     Courtney told me at breakfast how they shuttled her to several different counselors when she would get “in trouble” at Nerinx. I just stopped writing to laugh as I wish I could have seen Courtney with all of her teenage madness in a room with one of these adults.  It makes me laugh now and would have especially made me laugh then,  Courtney had her own spirit and her own drive, a good sheep dog would have bit her on the ankle and led her back,  not try to crush who she was.

“ Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down

By the enemy

Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
But don't run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is”

          Courtney will tell you and she did tell me that she had some battles she had not yet won and there were some obstacles she had not yet figured out how to get by.  She was a teenager, a troublemaker, and she needed help—real help.  Maybe if they had not kicked me out, I might have seen it.  But this post, is about Courtney and her strength.  Courtney saw it.  She saw what she had to do.  As her friends made plans for College and Mizzou,  Courtney listened to a Navy recruiter and enlisted.  Nerinx girls did not join the Navy, they went to College.  The Nerinx counselor was furious,  this was going to make their numbers look bad, how could she do this.  Maybe they did not listen to the Nerinx mantra,  “Be empowered women, find your own voice, take your own agency.”  Courtney did exactly what they told all 630 students to do and they hated her for it.

            Sorry Courtney, you may not get this reference, but she was Hayley Mills in The Trouble with Angels, she was just missing the nun who saw her soul, and heard her voice.  Maybe to continue with this theme, the Voice of an Angel.  So now Courtney, you have got to watch the Classic “The Trouble with Angels.”I am a teacher —I give out homework.

          Father Boyle says, “We see in the homies what they do not see in themselves…

Until they do.”  

I left those last three words linger by themselves on their own line.  I would have loved to see the day that Courtney(Bambi) found her footing on the ice, it probably was not the first day in the Navy, but good people in the Navy encouraged Courtney to find her own voice, recognize her obstacles and triumphed.  Courtney laughed when describing this to me,  the Navy and a doctor or two recognized that Courtney would have to devote all of her efforts and her energy to win the day.  It was not going to be a part-time job.  It was time for her to roll up her sleeves and do the work.

    I am so grateful that she did.  I got to have breakfast this week with Courtney, a student of mine who found her voice and learned how to walk on that ice.  

    The Navy paid for her college? But she EARNED that degree as she went to class with kids after she had sailed the seas and had seen the world.  She had a different vision than her classmates and definitely a more dedicated purpose.  She is now an interior designer for a great Architectural firm.  Ironically, she is now designing educational spaces for high school students,  Courts maybe you should design a closet in each classroom where a student could find her voice OR …  better yet a stage in each classroom where students could shout their truth.

    It is now early morning and I hope that my words told this story correctly.  I had not seen Courtney in 10 years, but tonight we ended up at the same Karaoke bar.  She got to meet my good friends, a couple of Nerinx  alum who definitely have their own voice.  Her good friend and Courtney left because they were not going to get to sing their own song, but this is my story so I get to tell the end of the story.

The strong DJ grabs the mic from the last singer and says “Courtney, can we have Courtney to the stage”.  The music begins and Courtney starts,

“Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave.”**

**brave, by sara bareilles

Breakfast # 1 (2021) — Colleen Winter Cantareira

 What to do with an idle summer—simple, get vaccinated find old friends, good people, the best people. It seems like I have written this before, a homage, a tribute to my friend Colleen… but maybe not.  Maybe I dreamed it.  At the end of July, I am going to Dallas with friends I have known so long, that it does not seem real. High school friends are the best friends, because they were there when you were all idiots.  They know the stories you would never tell mom. 

      Thank God, in the fall of 1991 that Mary Kay and Holly had the good sense to find Colleen.  They found their own group of idiots, and boy,  do they have their stories.  Today the Nerinx crew are still good friends.  And they are there for each other through good times and bad,  Tragically, this group has had to rally for each other with kind words and many hugs.  So Colleen joined our team, a basketball team that literally changed my life.  Many on that team are now some of my most wonderful friends.  My sister Katie and I had coached a group of St. Dominic Savio girls from the 4th grade and now they were in high school so Michele, Julie, and Colleen were added to our team. Katie and I joke she got Maureen as a friend, I was second pick so I got Mary Kay and Holly.  Because of this I got also Colleen and Julie and Dajer and Karen and Katie and Sarah and then of course Phil.     

        Any way, I remember after the one game we went to a Pizza place on 21 after a game and Colleen starting sharing details about the game that I had just coached, apparently I had missed a lot as Colleen told stories of the battles she had just fought,  she had as all laughing out loud.  Colleen was laughing so hard, she was crying. That was almost 20 years ago, and ever since when the whole gang gets together, I try to sit next to Colleen  as her words and her stories entertain me. More important they strengthen a friendship that gets better every time I see her.  Each time I see Colleen I am happy and cannot wait to catch up.  She never disappoints.  I have to be careful when I say this, because I know so many great people,  but Colleen would be def… top 20 on people I want to sit and enjoy a meal with.  Her kindness and her friendship mean so much, during the breakfast she congratulated me (better yet she was earnest in her encouragement of me.  She was happy that I was well.  Her words of kindness and love hit me hard and I stumbled as tears came to my eyes) on my appearance and my health. I told her I was good and she smiled.   How do we have this connection?  I really think it is Grace,  maybe God has allowed me to have a special insight into Colleen …so I will be more willing to look for it in my students.  In other words I get  Colleen, I feel I have a special insight into her greatness.  And I think she gets me too.  God’s Grace encourages me to look for goodness in others—my students.  

     When I first met Colleen, she was the same age as my students are now.  Did I see the greatness in her soul that I see today when I first met her.  I hope I did,  or maybe this reflection allows me to take a moment and look harder at the 16 year olds that I now teach.

    I kind of never know where my words will land, but tonight as I was listening to Karaoke in Soulard, I knew I would have to write.  I sat at a table in Carson’s listening to mostly bad karaoke reflecting on the good friends at my table and the 2 breakfasts I had had this week.  (Foreshadowing:  breakfast 2 will be written tonight).  I am blessed, I have a mom, who for so many, many years has been my biggest fan and biggest supporter.  My mom gets my weirdness and actively encourages it,  my dad just shakes his head.  My mom was next to me on her dining room table when I built my duct tape coat for Holly’s reception.

       Colleen has three boys in high school and most of her life is at baseball games and tournaments.  I have met the boys and they are great kids,  I hope in 2026 I am still buying breakfasts, then maybe I will take her twins out to eat and hear their stories and their thoughts on their wonderful mom.  I know they will tell me stories of when Colleen was at their side building something with them, encouraging them the whole time.

     A couple got up at Southwest Diner, and beckoned us to take their shaded table.  It was a kindness that was appreciated, but I think not necessary.  Colleen and I were going to get our Conversation ON.  That is never a doubt after we see each other 11 months or 17 months down the road.  I should not really smoke cigars any more, but maybe Colleen and I can find a couple of rocking chairs on a front porch somewhere.   So think about it, hopefully you have been there, a good rocking chair, a summer breeze blowing, maybe a glass of ice tea or lemonade—and great, great conversation.  What the Irish call Craic.  So thanks Colleen, my rocking chair friend, your friendship and encouragement always make me feel comfortable and loved.  I just closed my eyes and felt myself rocking back and forth, the breeze hit my back and I felt I could stay there forever,  just like your friendship. Rock……rock…..rock