Breakfast 8 -- Lauren Kinsella Lottes

      I was walking to Southwest Diner ( I thought I had been there...I had not) and saw makeshift plastic and chicken wire cages in the front yard.  I also saw a sign in the front yard that said Justice for Immigrants.  Lauren arrived and we sat down and I posited that people who raise chickens are kind and usually a better grade of people.  We went back and forth and soon disproved my theory by several counterexamples.  So sorry.  This wisdom I was going to lay on you was flawed.  Just breakfast today.  My mother always says, "You have to have a sense of whimsy."  Through crocks,  nicknames on magnets, or weird costumes I have my sense of whimsy.  I think we also need people around us with a sense of mischief. Just look at the picture of Lauren to the right,  she is posing like an Angel, but you can see the mischief in her smile.

     Yesterday,  I hoped I could bring a big smile and laughter to the life of my goddaughter, the way my godmother, Aunt Carol, did for me.  I think God had other plans because Lauren has throughout her entire life brought me smiles and joy even (sorry Mary) when her mother would tell me tales of woe or trouble that would just make me laugh.  Of course,  I think I have been blamed for some of the mischief myself.  After not seeing my goddaughter for a couple of years,  I saw her at a funeral for her family.  My guilt over not being there swayed me to give her a fifty dollar bill and tell her to spend it on something frivolous.  Lauren immediately got her naval pierced.  There was much disapproval from her mother's friends that I had corrupted the sweet, innocent Lauren.  (Years earlier I had met all of these people while wearing a plastic Steve Canyon flight helmet complete with plastic oxygen mask at a Mizzou-Marquette basketball game...so maybe their fears had some merit?)

     Sorry back to the sweet, innocent mischief? Lauren.  Lauren told me about having her hands full with her oldest a 2 year old girl.  Lauren told me she is too intelligent for a two year old and she was always up to something.  I would have to say that about Lauren also.  I really do not know Lauren's GPA or her school records,  I know I asked before, but the knowledge fell away because it was not important.  The reason it was not important is that Lauren is extraordinarily clever and I knew that skill would and still does always get her over the next hurdle.  Lauren is married to a former Priory student of mine,  Andy.  I think Andy is worried that he did something in 7th grade that I still remember.  Believe me Andy,  I do not.  But I remember there was also a sense of mischief in Andy.

     I am so happy that they have found each other.  It is not always an easy thing says the old man writing these words.  Lauren talked to me about her work  and what I thought was maybe something simple was much more complex and had a lot more to it than I knew.  Apparently coffee, drinking coffee, and selling to people who like coffee is big in America.  I missed that.  But it was apparent that she was bringing the same Lauren to her job that  I have seen at barbecues and birthdays,  picnics and get togethers.  Lauren's mom and dad became grown-ups quicker than anyone I know.  Well I was still being an idiot in college, there were starting a home and starting a family.    Every time I go to their house,  something comes out immediately that this is a home and this family is together through thick and thin.  I wonder how it feels to know that working a lifetime to be there always in love and support produces a kid named Lauren.  Matt and Bridget are pretty good people, but Lauren's name is in the title so she gets all the credit here.  I would consider my entire life a success if I produced a  Lauren.  Someone had different plans for me, so I will just have to love the 31 "daughters" I will spend a week with in Biloxi,  loving them the best way I can.  I have had so many great examples in my life to show me how.

Breakfast 7 -- Carol Barnhart

        On Hampton Avenue,  just north of Tilles Park is a large apartment complex Hampton Gardens.  My earliest memories of my Aunt Carol is when she shared an apartment with my Grandma Gee.  I am guessing I was under 5 and I remember 2 large brown chairs without arms and Blue Chinese dragons and other assorted knick knacks that my Grandma always had.  I have the Blue Chinese dragons it was the one thing I wanted from my Grandma.  I think I loved Hampton Gardens is because my Aunt Carol and my Grandma were always so happy to see me.  Now many, many years later my Aunt Carol greeted me with the same smile and the same warmth she has always greeted me.  She has probably been happier to see me longer than anyone else in my life excluding my parents.  And then she laughs,  Aunt Carol laughs at all my jokes or comments,  I have to say she is the second best audience I have ever had only surpassed by her mother.  And when Carol laughs it is not a soft tee hee,  but a large laugh and her eyes smile and get big--just as big as her laugh.

         Carol got into the car and was telling me about her swimming pool -- her favorite feature of the house they had built years ago in South County in St. Francis of Assisi. The pool is on its last legs and may be put out of its misery soon after 37 years and a home for so many kids and friends and kids of friends and friends of kids.  Carol welcomed them all.    It really was not until my Grandma Gee's funeral that I realized through the words of my older sister how really tough my Grandma Gee had it after my Granddaddy died.  But my Grandma got through it with a smile and hard work,  she was always working and she laughed and smiled through it all.  "Who has more fun than people?"  My Aunt Carol has taken that example and lived it through her whole life.  She was always working to make sure she could overcome the obstacles in her life and do the best for her children-- and then her grandchildren.  We sometimes do not see family as much as we should,  and my family with Aunt Carol has had just a few weddings and really only one death--Grandma Gee.  So we get busy and we forget that message that we truly do belong to each other.  I am very happy with my first week of breakfasts--the intentional living,  but I think I should probably take my Godmother out to breakfast at least twice a year.

          I told Carol today that I try to end all my conversations with former students with simple words,  "I am proud of you.  Do you know how proud of you I am?"  Breakfast at Denny's was great, they filled up my Coke 3 times even after I said no.  They were always topping off Carol's coffee and we continued to talk about new things and old things,  about the Catholic Church and its frustrating rigidity,  how we should learn to just treat people like people.  "All people are the same, John, they are just like us."  Carol shared as we thought about the problems of our world.

         Tomorrow,  Breakfast with my Goddaughter, Lauren,  I hope I remember to always greet her with a smile and a big laugh.  My aunt has not let bad breaks or imperfect people derail her happiness, she worked through it and taught her children how to do the same.  It still is not easy,  but even when she looks at me and I see the weight of her burden,  she smiles and she laugh. 

        Aunt Carol,  I am proud of you.  Do you know how proud of you I am !!

Breakfast 6 -- Emily Mancuso aka Juno

         I wanted to teach high school seniors at SLUH.  I am glad my career wish did not come true.  I am an alien inside of an all girls' school,  I often understand less of their conversations than Ugandans talking Lwo.  But OMG girls are on Fleek.  I have no idea what I just said,  but I know my heart has felt more love than I ever thought possible teaching phenomenal young women.  Near the end of my Nerinx career,  I was figuring out the pedagogy I could use to just get out of the way and let these stars shine.  Father Boyle says,  "We see in the homies what they do not see in themselves . . . until they do."  I taught one of the sweetest, kindest, joyful young woman  Emily Mancuso.  She was always smiling and just being a great kid.  It turns out that as she was giving so much love to all those around her,  it was not an easy time for Emily.  There are so many times I wish I could lend students my eyes, my ears, and my heart so they could see themselves, hear themselves, and love themselves the way I see them and hear them.  Emily got a camera,  wrote a song for me and posted it on Facebook.  I cannot tell you how amazing that felt.  So when she went to Facebook her nickname was Juno.  A foreshadowing that we laughed about today as we watched her  4 year old son play with trucks and trains.

         There is a lot wrong with Facebook and how it influences us to join teams and hate or not understand the other side.  But Facebook,  allowed me to see a picture of Emily receiving her diploma.  I cannot even express how proud of her I am.  I can just imagine how tough it was because I did not earn my college diploma while trying to do my best for my young son who needs just a little more time and a little more love throughout the day.  Facebook also allowed me (and this is where their algorithms get a little freaky) to remember Emily's Nerinx graduation through  a picture of both of us,  her with cap and gown, me with my favorite tie.  I would have written something on Emily's banner at Senior retreat.  I do not think I would have gotten the words right,  but if I could go back in time for just 2 days.  It probably would be for the Class of 2012's Senior retreat.  These were my students who stood with me and cried with me on my saddest days.  I am so damn proud of that entire class and the paths they continue to strive confidently down.

         Now I am a small part of the next challenge for Emily.  Here is a young woman with an incredible heart.  We have to find some way and some path for Emily where we can find people who have been neglected, ignored, or marginalized.  They need in their lives Emily's smile,  Emily's heart and maybe if they are extraordinarily blessed--they will one day hear a song from Emily.

Breakfast 5 -- Haley Hunter aka Diablo Cazadore

       Left side of the Heagney theatre,  many years ago.... but let's digress, the EAC was my boy.  The EAC at Nerinx Hall was more of my hangout,  it is where a lot happened and I was comfortable.  The inside jokes with Claire Minnick,  my first faculty show all the way back in 1992,  Okali John on stage, and countless more faculty shows....also the time I told the story of Samuel and the well to 660 of my favorite people.  There are many places  I loved at Nerinx  E14 and E2,  but although I had been there many years the Heagney theatre was something new and not part of my tradition yet.  I was an OG at the EAC,  the Heagney was just too new.  Although the building of the EAC gave the men at Nerinx a real bathroom and that was cool.

      So I am in the Heagney Theatre waiting for the announcement of the Father Nerinckx Award (one of the few times at Nerinckx where we actually spelled Nerinckx correctly) and this happened. "The winner of the Father Nerinckx award is a tie".... immediately without screaming I spent several seconds of vigorous fist pumping because I know knew the result.  The winners were Emily Done and Haley Hunter.  (Emily let's have breakfast),  this story is about Haley.  I do not think I ever taught a kid who was closer to the complete package.  There have been many great ones,  but Haley in her quiet way was the real deal.... IS the real deal.  She is the humidifier in the room,  the machine that makes everybody more comfortable without you really knowing it.  I know that I am a better teacher and a better man when Haley Hunter is around.

      She possesses a quiet confidence,  but more importantly a quiet kindness that just makes you feel better about the world,  and what we can do together to make the world a better place.  Surprise, surprise Nerinx  did not even interview their own award winner for an open English job,  so Haley has just completed her second year at Pattonville.  Jessie Hauser was already at Pattonville and when I told her what was coming her way, she was very happy.  She told me that Haley was one of the best prepared interviews she has seen.  Haley had her stuff together,  of course.  Jessie also has to be on the breakfast list soon.  I am sure she is going to tell me Haley stories.  Haley exists  and I am sure TEACHES  kind of the way Laura Milles plays sports.  She is not going to be the leading scorer ever, but I would probably pick them first on any kind of team I was starting.  I am so happy that both of them impacted Biloxi.   Haley was the first group that met our friend Mrs. Fields in Biloxi,  and their friendship,  a real genuine KINSHIP, still exists today and miles do not impact how they think about each other, care for each other, and love each other.  Two people who could have never met, but they DID and both lives are forever impacted for the better.  I am glad that Haley is in my life and I cannot wait to see how she continues to love our world.  I cannot wait to meet all the people that Haley will love in her life, all the students she will teach in her life, and all the .......   

Breakfast 4 -- John Kuehner

       I have always said that I get so much more from the Biloxi trip than I have ever given in hours working and hours sweating.  I was thinking much simpler,  without our trips to the Back Bay Mission in Biloxi I would never have John Kuehner as a friend.  So everything else the friends like Eva May and Mrs. Fields, Craig, the years on the board are all gravy, just because the goofy bowlegged (before surgery that is) guy is my friend.  John hits you with a little bit of everything  his sense of the world, his kindness, his goofy sense of humor ( I don't care who you are--that's funny),  but there's no way to look at John Kuehner without thinking of hard work.  His hands are the result of working hard for hours on end each day and continuing this process for year after year.  I wish I could somehow bottle up the work ethic and the sweat that he puts into a regular day and give it to my students.  They would see how this man has made everything he has built (and he has built a lot of things) with just good ole'  old-fashioned sweat. 

       Hopefully, some new Biloxi kid will stumble across this blog and read about Mr. Kuehner,  they will not know the size of his hands or how much work those hands have accomplished.  I sincerely hope next week one of them walks up to him and asks to see his hands.  It will make me laugh when I see the gasp of a 17 year old.  His heart is twice as big as his hands,  and I probably only know one tenth of the things he has done for others.  I take that back, I probably only know one fiftieth of what he has done.  The man behind Candy Cane Lane is always ready to be kind to those that are having it a little bit tough.  I was one of those recipients and one day I came home to a brand new water heater when I was between jobs.  When I tried to figure out a way to pay him.  He laughed with a big smile and said, "It's been a good week,  no worries."   But here is why it was a good week,  John probably took two extra jobs and worked a 13 hour day to make it a good week and I got all the rewards.

        John, Hayley, his sister and I drove to Joplin with some cash his sister had raised from her bar.  We were cleaning out a house that had been damaged and his sister was bit by a small snake.  John was up the road trying to help out someone with their air conditioning problem.  When he came back his sister immediately start telling him the story and he responed,  "Well,  a snake in the front yard just told me some women was squeezing him,  So now I don't know who to believe."  That is funny I don't care who you are.

         Sometime next week,  I will see  Beanie or Snorks look at their day with such a look of love and fondness and at least once or twice they will roll their eyes at something he has done.  Right there on Candy Cane Lane is the secret for happiness.  It makes sense that pure happiness and joy would live on Candy Cane Lane.  The secret is simple  work hard every day,  love your family with all your hear,  and one someone who others forgot needs help--help them.   John Kuehner is my friend.

Breakfast 3 —Laura Milles aka Kill O

     Laura remembered once that the first time we met. I came over to her as a freshmen at Cor Jesu. I thought she had played a good game, but she had not played that many minutes and was upset with her performance.  I told her that as the coach of the opposing team, she had impressed me and there was plenty of good basketball left in high school for her.  Who knew she would win several state titles and make it to Final 4 In basketball.

       There was a player like Laura at Nerinx, Kelly M.  She would have never left the floor if I had been her coach.  They were both players who played all out all the time and always gave an effort.  You can have your cross over dribblers and 3 point shooters.  Give me 5 hustlers and I will be very happy.  Now who knew these two who were a lot of like would meet in Biloxi.  Call it the old Back Bay magic (or maybe the grace of Mary Bryant from above).  These two were soon best friends pitting down 2’ x 2’ ceramic tiles in a brand new house. They are also both weirdos, so soon they told me that they were going to start a tile business after school. It was going to be called Trials and Biles Tiles because Laura was going to be a doctor and Kelly was going to be a lawyer, but they would devote their free time to installing tile.  I asked Laura why Biles as it was kind of a disgusting term, she patiently explained to me that it rhymed like I did not understand.

        I have not seen Kelly for several years, but Laura is now in PA school and well on her way to a career in medicine.  She told me that PA school is intense and she is spending most of her hours studying.   It is amazing how hard all of the Biloxi volunteers work.  They come into this trip as good students who do a lot of homework, but just as Kelly and Laura learned how to tile like pros (that floor went in fast),  the experience at Back Bay Mission teaches them new skills and new achievements.  Kill O (Laura) is her Biloxi nickname. Her last name is one extra l to “miles” so we just added an l to Kilometer and voila.  Kill O insists she will come back to Biloxi and Back Bay as soon as her school is over.  One week from now, a new 15 will be in cars headed south.  I cannot Wait to see what they can do.

Breakfast 2 -- Victor

         I wonder how better a teacher I am because of great colleagues who battle along side you in schools.   A wide collection of colleagues,  but there have been some great ones that just care about kids.  I still remember Jeff Kohls saying after a kid left to go to another school,  "If you call him, he will know that you care."  We just lost a great one when Kevin Budd from Nerinx died. If my service is one tenth of his I will be happy.  But this is about my colleague at North Tech,  a man who believes in students and pushes them to be their best.  Who I learned today had to push himself to do his best from the streets of East St. Louis to the teacher he is today.  Surprise, Surprise he had a great mother who showed him the way,  did not let him be less than his best and showed him through her example of hard work that he too could find his path.

         Victor and his wife and several of my other colleagues are working to make North Tech better and also working to make families feel welcome.  During our training we have had several frank conversations about race.  I let him know that I feel I still had a way to go and was striving to be better.  Much in the way that Pope Francis says he is a sinner,  I think we all need to work harder at seeing the realities of life for those that our history has marginalized.   I think maybe Victor knows how much I value him as an educator and whose voice I listen to,  because he has real things to say. Breakfast 1 was with Ed and Steve who I have known forever.  But today's breakfast with Victor was much different as we are still learning about each other as people.  Where the shorthand used by long term friends is great,  it is the new friend or the stranger that we should be really pursuing as they have so much to teach us.

            I am the old, crabby white guy who says,  "Turn off that music, it's math class."  Whereas Victor with a degree in Music and training in Music and a love of music has researched what type of music and what type of beats actually help students.  And uses music in his classroom to allow his students to  open their mind and their energy to learn more.  Victor and I had breakfast today at a Cracker Barrel on New Halls Ferry as I waited for the store to open,  I sat on a rocker next to a giant checkerboard outside.  Victor's "posed picture" is in that rocker.  As I sat there trying to figure out what I am trying to do and learn from these 50 breakfasts,  I thought about the 2 of us maybe in a different time playing checkers in front of a country store and telling stories.  Maybe about the mothers that loved us and raised us.  I was about to tell him the story about how my mom cut a reading cartoon out of the Globe-Democrat to teach us to read.  She cut them out for my older sister Mary,  but she pulled the stack out of the drawer to teach me how to read.  I wonder how worn those old newspaper comics were by the time Katie was taught.  So I am sharing my words with my guests and now Victor will now this story,  but I have many more stories for him,  and I hope to more important listen to the stories he has to tell.

            So far 2 breakfasts in... I am learning so much.  I want to take you to breakfast, believe me you are on my list.  Call me up and let's set up a time.

Breakfast 1 -- Ed Poth and Steve Broun Denny's Crestwood

        Ed Poth or as I once heard one of his disciples say, " ED  POOOOOTTTTHHH"  "ED POOOTTTTTTH"  "EDDDDDDDD  #$%@#$ PPPPPOOOOTTTTH".  Ed is a guy I met after college, so in some ways he still seems like a new friend.  Although we go back to the early 80s, so there is a lot of history there.  It was not a problem to get Ed up for an early breakfast, as Ed is always up ready to work.  He runs the Muni desk and is almost always the first to arrive every morning.  I wish I could somehow learn to show my students that if working hard becomes a habit then it also becomes easier. Ed is a father who loves his kids and puts a lot of time and effort into giving them his idea of happiness, so they are all big Cardinal fans.  Ed and I have spent many hours in front of computer screens and on the phone first trying to get good seats for ourselves at World Series games, but then Ed would keep expanding his entourage.  I would ask him how many seats he needed and it started with 4, "Jan, myself, and I will take two of the kids."  But then we got those tickets and it became,  well I need more for all of the kids and then Schwendemann and Jan's Sister and the tickets we got just expanded.  I was Ed's friend when I had a job, and I was Ed's friend when I did not have a job and in the latter case he just expanded his world to take care of me.  I was the next World Series ticket to get.  It was weird at the home opener this year,  because Ed always bought the first round and the second round... he is one of the best that I have known in picking up a tab and making me feel like it was no big deal.  When he first start succeeding at his job,  I remember him picking up a softball tab when no one of the 12 people there knew he did it.  I remember him making a special point of including me in a dinner with a bunch of  people.   Ed and I were at the David Freese game in our seats in the bleachers.  I remember telling him, "Well, we are either going to lose or we are going to see the greatest game of our lives."   That is how our friendship is it has been an amazing ride.

        Steve Broun I have known since my SLUH days,  he was a classmate of my brother's and I just tended to know a lot of people in my brother's class.  I am now not sure what came first softball or MBA school.  The softball team was kind of funny, because Steve thought he had assembled a group that did not know each other,  but the first game (this being St. Louis) we all knew everybody on the team.  Except maybe the guy who played right field and wore a bow tie.  I am getting old and I don't know if he actually wore a bow tie playing right field, but I am going to say he did.  Then it was off to MBA school,  the first year Steve and Ed were in the other section,  but the 2nd year we were together in almost all of our classes.  We sat in the back row, in long 2 hour classes. and we sometimes amused ourselves in different, quite juvenile ways.  Don't ask Steve about the Coke can.  Steve was similar to Ed in that were both focused on where they were going through school,  and I think that plan and that drive has made them both successful.  I got to see the Broun family, a couple of years back, as I tutored his son right before high school.  His son is bright and driven like Steve and probably would have done just fine without my help, but the good thing is later I can take credit for his success.  Just like the time I bailed out Ed and Steve in the computer room,  by helping them complete a difficult computer coding program. 

          I think I am a better teacher for my students, because I get to see great dads and how they love their kids.  How they battle through the obstacles their kids fight and how they live and die with each test, boyfriend, girlfriend, or in Ed's case that missed jumper,  It was a great start to the 50 breakfasts and there is such a shorthand to old friends that we can immediately come back to an old basketball game, where my team routinely beat Ed's or the pursuit of the beauty Catherine where Steve won the day and I was left riding a bike home.

Why?

Mother Teresa said,  "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other."  For the first time in many years,  I will not be travelling to Uganda.  Fear not, my Ugandan friends I will be back.  I was trying to figure out what to do with my summer.    Then I read this.. and there is also another story running around in my head which I will share in the future.  These two combined in my head and I hatched this idea.    I thought what if I took a different person out to breakfast every day? 

I love breakfast,  I love people...this is a good idea. 

So I want to buy you breakfast,  just get in touch.